Good riddance.

Ok, so today has just been....weird. Mom was in a bad mood this afternoon, and she kept wanting to argue about EVERY little thing. We smoothed everything over when I got home tonight, but still. It was just unnerving. Anyway, John and I went to Best Buy, TGI Friday's, and Target tonight. It really was fun, but talking about graduation and Christmas and all that stuff over dinner just completely changed my mood. And now I can't stop thinking about it.

I don't like the idea of the future. As bad as that sounds, it's true. I'm completely terrified to think about graduation and everything afterwards. I'm afraid of losing everything I have now. And maybe that'll change as the months go by, I don't know. I just can't be sure. But the future means change, and right now, I don't want anything to change. Maybe a few things, but only minor stuff - nothing long term. Unfortunately, right now, I can't think about anything past Christmas without wanting to cry. I hate that.

I'm not going to worry about it all right now. I'm just not. I'll procrastinate my worrying. It'll hit me after the holidays anyway, right? I want to enjoy Christmas, and enjoy being with people I love. And I can't enjoy it if I'm constantly freaking out about walking across the stage at Littlejohn or whether or not I really want to get my nursing license. So until Christmas, I want to be relaxed. I want to goof off and have fun. Besides, Christmas is one of those things that inevitably makes you feel like a kid again, so goofing off and having fun is perfectly normal, right?

John didn't seem himself tonight. I think he was just tired. He did worry me a little at the restaurant when he said he felt dizzy. Lightheaded, whatever. I hope everything's ok. But I'm sure it is. I guess I'm just being an overly-concerned girlfriend, even though it's probably not necessary. Oh well. I apologize, but that's just who I am.

Man, I need to shut up and go to bed, seriously. I keep worrying about things I shouldn't be worried about. Little things. Things that are completely fine, yet insecure people like me find a reason to worry about. I hope things are better tomorrow. Well, today.

Goodnight.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tomorrow's Turkey Day. Thanksgiving. El Día de Gracias. Whatever you wanna call it. And this year, I have a LOT to be thankful for. My parents, for one thing - I can't imagine how hard it's been for them to put up with me (being the typical, complicated teenage girl I've been) over the last 10 months or so. Especially over the summer. Man, I had some drama going on. And that's another thing - I'm thankful that all that crap is behind me. I'm thankful that things with Colby worked out (or didn't, I suppose) like they did. Being with him was a mistake anyway. I'm thankful for school, in a way. If it weren't for school, I wouldn't have so many friends, and I wouldn't be taking the best class ever - anatomy. I'm thankful for my grandparents, of course. They're the best. And I'm thankful for Anna, even though she tends to be a little...strange sometimes. But hey, she listens when nobody else does. And I'm extremely thankful for John this year. At first, it was weird to be dating him again, but I've been enjoying every minute of it. I mean, what would I do if he weren't a part of my life? Nothing. Seriously, my life would be so boring. I'd be sitting at home every night, getting more and more sick of my parents by the second. That's another reason why I'm really thankful for my parents - they put up with me and John seeing each other every day. They could be really mean and not let me do anything with him, but they're not. They let me get away with a lot, and that means the world to me. I just wish I could show them how much I appreciate it.

So, tomorrow, I'm going to help my mom finish up all the food preparations. I know it's kind of pointless to make a nice fancy Thanksgiving dinner for 3 people, but hey - it's the thought that counts, right? My parents and I are actually going to sit down together and eat tomorrow. We're going to spend time together. That'll be really nice. And then, tomorrow afternoon my mom and I are going to get a new Christmas tree and put it up. Then at some point, I'll be going nextdoor to help my grandparents decorate their house for Christmas. And last but not least, at some point tomorrow night, I'll get to spend a little time with John. I can't wait.

I'm sure I've said this before, but all in all, I think this is going to be the best holiday season ever. And to think, it all starts tomorrow. I mean, tomorrow's Thanksgiving! It's kind of scary to think that Christmas is less than a month away, but at the same time, it feels like this has been the longest year ever. It's time for the holidays, and it's going to be awesome this year. So, on that note, I'm going to go to bed. Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

It ticks just like a Timex.

"Raining On Sunday" is a perfect song to listen to on a day like today, even though it's not Sunday. I listened to it like five times on my way home from the doctor's office this afternoon.

I've been thinking about John more than usual today. No, not anything perverted. He's just been on my mind quite a bit. Maybe it's the weather - making me wish we were at the mall drinking apple cider from Williams-Sonoma or something. Too bad he's working tonight. When I stopped in Bi-Lo on my way home to get a pack of gum, I couldn't seem to stop smiling when I was at the register. His register. What's up with that?

We had a really serious conversation last night at dinner. An adult conversation. And our first one, at that. I've never seen that side of him, but it certainly wasn't a bad thing. I'm glad we can be that open with each other. He seemed surprisingly comfortable, and so was I.

I hate that I couldn't meet him on break tonight. But my mom wanted me to stay and eat dinner with her and Daddy. Not that I mind - it's just the way she made a big deal about it. I didn't want to hurt her feelings though. I just hate being torn between people like that.

Oh well. Tomorrow's going to be a good day. I get to spend all day with John. Who knows what we'll end up doing, since our plans tend to change a LOT. That's what makes it fun though. Like ice cream and global warming, really.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

My mom still can't make up her mind about getting a new Christmas tree. She wants the Timberland Spruce, but she wants to look at the Donner Fir again because she might just like that one better. I need to do some Christmas shopping myself. I just can't decide what to get anyone. I can't wait until Christmas break, though. I won't even have to go to school two days during exam week. Michelle emailed me and said she's trying to decide what day she's coming home. Hopefully she'll come home a day or two before Christmas so she'll get to stay until New Year's.

I'm really looking forward to this week. Tuesday is going to be awesome, I'm sure. John and I are going to try to do a little Christmas shopping and hopefully see the Twilight movie. Neither one of us has to work, and we both get out of school early, so we'll have the whole day to hang out. Then, Wednesday, my Thanksgiving break "officially" starts, so my mom and I will probably be cooking and getting Christmas decorations ready to put up. Thursday and Friday will be fun, too. Thursday we'll have Thanksgiving dinner, and Friday we'll put up the Christmas tree. I can't wait.

I think I'm really going to get into the Christmas spirit this year. It's my senior year, so I want to enjoy it to the fullest. But it's not just that. I want to enjoy spending time with people I care about, because here lately it doesn't seem like I do enough of that. Everything just feels right this year, and I want to celebrate because of it. And with all that, something tells me that this holiday season is going to be the best one yet.

It's Tunday!

Well, actually, it's Friday. But John says every day he's with me, it's Tunday. We have a date tonight, and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm extremely glad it's Friday. This past week has been rather stressful, and I'm just ready to have fun. Unfortunately, I have to go to work first. That's just such a waste of time. Oh well. It's part of life, right?