Good riddance.

Ok, so today has just been....weird. Mom was in a bad mood this afternoon, and she kept wanting to argue about EVERY little thing. We smoothed everything over when I got home tonight, but still. It was just unnerving. Anyway, John and I went to Best Buy, TGI Friday's, and Target tonight. It really was fun, but talking about graduation and Christmas and all that stuff over dinner just completely changed my mood. And now I can't stop thinking about it.

I don't like the idea of the future. As bad as that sounds, it's true. I'm completely terrified to think about graduation and everything afterwards. I'm afraid of losing everything I have now. And maybe that'll change as the months go by, I don't know. I just can't be sure. But the future means change, and right now, I don't want anything to change. Maybe a few things, but only minor stuff - nothing long term. Unfortunately, right now, I can't think about anything past Christmas without wanting to cry. I hate that.

I'm not going to worry about it all right now. I'm just not. I'll procrastinate my worrying. It'll hit me after the holidays anyway, right? I want to enjoy Christmas, and enjoy being with people I love. And I can't enjoy it if I'm constantly freaking out about walking across the stage at Littlejohn or whether or not I really want to get my nursing license. So until Christmas, I want to be relaxed. I want to goof off and have fun. Besides, Christmas is one of those things that inevitably makes you feel like a kid again, so goofing off and having fun is perfectly normal, right?

John didn't seem himself tonight. I think he was just tired. He did worry me a little at the restaurant when he said he felt dizzy. Lightheaded, whatever. I hope everything's ok. But I'm sure it is. I guess I'm just being an overly-concerned girlfriend, even though it's probably not necessary. Oh well. I apologize, but that's just who I am.

Man, I need to shut up and go to bed, seriously. I keep worrying about things I shouldn't be worried about. Little things. Things that are completely fine, yet insecure people like me find a reason to worry about. I hope things are better tomorrow. Well, today.

Goodnight.