Independence day.

Ah, what a day. What a day, what a night. What a weekend. What a life.

For the record, I know it's technically already July 5th, but I hope anyone who comes across this blog had a wonderful Fourth of July. I know I sure did. I suppose it all started with straight tequila shots last night. Saturday night, whatever. That ended up with me and John in the back seat of my car. You know the rest. But that was just a precursor for today. Today was awesome. As I think back on it, the whole thing just makes me smile.

The day started out kinda slow, but once John and I got to the party at his cousin's house, things really picked up fast. For one thing, we started drinking as soon as we showed up. Rum, tequila, margaritas, mojitos, a little homemade sangria...there was certainly a buzz going around. John and I were pretty tipsy by late afternoon. But it made for a little fun in the bathroom. Ha. Anyway, we swam and drank and partied hard all afternoon, and then we went downtown for the annual fireworks show. We met up with my parents and sat with them for the fireworks. Surprisingly, it went well. Very well.

After the fireworks, John was supposed to go back to his cousin's house to spend the night, but apparently they forgot about him because we went back and we were completely locked out. So we settled for dinner and a movie at my grandparents' house. We watched When In Rome and I made a DiGiorno pizza. I must say, it wasn't half bad. After the movie, I took John home. My grandpa came with us, to make sure I was "safe" being out so late. I almost wish he hadn't come, but it's okay that he did. John just made me feel all swoozy when I dropped him off. He told me how he wished I could come inside with him. And he kissed me the way I love to be kissed. Then he proceeded to shower me with kisses up and down my neck and tell me that he was "horny as hell", which of course gave me butterflies. But of course I had to leave and go home. It's okay though. It was just one of those moments that makes me smile whenever I think about it.

And that brings me here. Laying on my bed, thinking about what an awesome day I had. The only thing that could've made it better would've been if John and I could've spent the night together. I tried to make that happen earlier at his cousin's house, but my parents didn't go for it. Just another downside of not being 18 yet, I suppose. Oh well. Soon enough, John and I will get to come home to one another and lay in bed and watch movies and cuddle. Much like I wish we could do now. I can't wait to lay down under my soft, cool sheets and drift off to sleep, but it'd be so much better if my baby were here with me.

Come to think of it, everything's better when he's with me. We talked about that on the way home tonight. I said I don't know what I'd do without him, and he said, "The same thing you did before you started dating me." But I told him I couldn't do that. I was so different then. Before he came back into my life, I was just a sad and lonely teenager. I had no life, no self-esteem, nothing. I was just here, and my life wasn't anything special. Now, all that's changed. I'm so different from the person I was two years ago. I have confidence now. I have friends now. My life has so much meaning. And he's the cause of it. I told him that he brings out the best in people, and I think that's really true. He has a gift for that, and I hope he holds onto it forever.

Anyway, I think the day has finally caught up to me, and I'm ready for bed. I just wanted to say that my Fourth of July weekend was amazing, and I couldn't have asked for a better day. In fact, I wish every holiday could be that much fun.

And before I go, know this. If there is someone in your life who brings out the best in you and the people around you, hold onto them. They will change your life.

Goodnight everyone.

It's my life.

This will probably be short. I just need to rant for a second.

Let me just say that I am so sick of being told that I'm too young. I am a seventeen year old girl in my second semester of college. Yeah, I've had to grow up a little. But me being young doesn't mean I don't know what's best for me or how I should live my life.

I'm seventeen years old, and I have a boyfriend who's twenty. We've been dating for a year and almost seven months. He's the best thing I have in my life. He's my best friend, he's my comfort, he's my comedian, he's my lover, he's my partner - he's everything I've ever dreamed of in a guy. I never want to lose him, and there's no one else out there who could ever take his place. I'm sorry, but I don't care if you're Channing Tatum, Brad Pitt, or George Clooney (who's not that good looking anyway), you will never take the place of my man. And even if somebody came and hauled him off to some kind of hostage camp, I'd still never lose him. He and I are forever. He said so himself. If anyone has a problem with that, fuck off.

Aside from that, nobody needs to tell me how I should be handling my relationship. I get so tired of hearing, "You're too young to be so serious with one person," or "Why don't you see what else is out there?" Maybe I don't want to see what else is out there. Maybe I want to be serious with one person. My ex texted me tonight, and of course, my mom was sitting right there. She was being nosy - "Who is it?" - and then she started the whole, "Does he want to hang out with you or something? Maybe you should hang out with him," thing. No, Mom. I have no desire to hang out with that dumbass. Why would I want to hang out with someone that I don't even like anymore, someone who dips, someone who I can't have a real conversation with - WHEN I HAVE A BOYFRIEND? She thinks I'm too young to be in a serious relationship. Look who's fucking talking. She started dating my dad when she was seventeen. She said they dated "on and off" for a long time, but she ended up marrying the guy. I don't want her advice on serious relationships.

Now, I had two different guys text me tonight, asking me to hang out and saying they miss me and all this other crap. And big surprise? I don't give a shit. I'm flattered that other dudes like me and want to be with me or whatever, but I really DON'T CARE. Nothing they can say or any promises they make me will ever compare to what John can offer me. No other guy will ever make me feel so great about myself. No other guy will ever be able to make me laugh the way John does. And no guy will ever, EVER be so good in bed. I don't care who reads this. I'm not ashamed to say that we're sexually active. Honestly, it's phenomenal. He's so amazing in bed, words cannot describe it. And he makes me feel beautiful. I don't believe there's another person out there who can make me feel the way he does.

So please, Mom. Or anybody else. Maybe I am just young and stupid. Maybe I shouldn't settle down. Maybe I shouldn't have such a serious relationship right now. But you've been there too. You know what it's like to love somebody. You know what it's like to feel so strongly for someone. You know what it's like to know that everyone else thinks you're wrong. I'm living my life the way I want to, and I'm doing what makes me happy. I don't care how you feel about it. It's my life. My choices. My relationship. And unless John plans to leave me anytime soon, nothing's going to change. I'm still going to be in love with him six months down the road. I'm going to love that boy for the rest of my life. He may feel differently, I really don't know. But no matter what, the way I feel is not going to change, no matter who tries to talk me out of it.

Wow, this was longer than I thought it would be.

Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nice hot shower and relax so I can talk to my boyfriend when he gets home from work. Have a wonderful evening.

Goodnight.

We've got a lot of time, and it sure feels right.

Wow, I haven't posted a blog in forever. Sorry to anyone who actually reads these.

For the record, a lot has changed in the few months since I've written. Actually, I take that back. Only a few things have changed. For one, I'm not a virgin anymore. And I don't regret it one bit. I'm actually proud of it. I gave myself to the guy I want to be with for the rest of my life. Regret was definitely not something I felt. If anything, John and I are a million times closer than we used to be. I feel like we're connected on such a new level. Every day, I feel more and more in love with him. Cheesy, I know. But I can't help how I feel about him.

Other than that, not much has changed at all, really. The only other thing that's changed is the fact that our luck has gotten a little bit worse than it used to be. Mine and John's luck, I mean. A few weeks ago, he accidentally hit my dad's truck with his car - in my driveway. It dented the bumper, but we got it fixed almost immediately. And now my dad practically loves John because we managed to get a brand new bumper for the truck. So everything's okay...right now. But our bad luck has seemed to show up elsewhere - like missing school assignments, work problems, that kind of thing. But we're used to it by now. Just another day in the life for us.

Oh, and another thing. I'm sure nobody I know actually reads this, so it won't matter who sees it, but a couple months ago, John came out to me as a bisexual. At first, I thought he was only joking, but then I realized he was being very serious. It bothered me in the beginning, only because I didn't understand it and I didn't know how it would change our relationship, but now it's something I love about him. It's just one more thing that makes him the unique person he is. We even make jokes about it. And in reality, I think him sharing that with me made us closer as well, since for a long time, I was the only one who knew. It was his "special secret". Now his best friend Halley knows and so does her girlfriend, but I'm cool with that. Halley's awesome. So is Katie. In fact, they're so awesome that they get to live together. I'm a little jealous.

I want to live with John more than anything. Every night when I come home and get ready for bed, it feels like he should be crawling into bed with me. And every time I'm at his house, in his room, I feel that way too. Especially today. We went upstairs and took a nap in his room. It was so...comforting. Of course, I nearly broke my back in the process of getting onto the bed, but that was an accident. In fact, it makes me laugh now because only I would fall like I did. Anyway, John and I took a nap together - and when I say 'nap', I mean sleeping, not anything else - and when he woke up to get ready for work, I stayed in his bed, and it felt like I was just staying at home so I'd be waiting for him when he got back. I wish it could be like that. But I'm praying that one day it will be. One day soon.

I'll be glad when we're out of school and ready to live together and have the cars we want and the life we've been dreaming of. We deserve it. Especially him. I just can't wait for it to happen.

Oh, and remember last summer, when I didn't get to go to Daytona with him and his family? Well, I think I might actually get to go this year. My mom keeps talking like I'm going. I just have to talk to my dad about it. Wish me luck!

And on the subject of summer, I can't wait for it to get here. I can't wait to go to Greenville Pickens every Saturday night, and go to the lake and go to Clemson and Mellow Mushroom. It's going to be great this year, I think. John's actually looking forward to it a little, and that makes me happy. It makes me feel a little more optimistic about our relationship. I'm sure we're going to have a blast this summer. I can already smell the racing fuel and the burning rubber. I can already feel the warm sun and the cool lake water. I can already taste the pizza. Besides, I want to make this summer as fun as possible because it's probably going to be a very long summer for me. Why? Because I turn 18 this fall. So all summer long I'll just be counting down the days until my birthday. But while I'm waiting, I want to have fun.

Anyway, I'm going to go. I just thought I'd write this while I felt like it. Just wanted to say how wonderful life is right now and how happy I am to be here, even when things go horribly wrong. But I'm going to go now so I can finish studying for my microbiology quiz. Maybe I'll start posting on a more regular basis in the future. But who knows. :)

Goodnight, y'all.