It's a big enough umbrella.

I'm getting really sick of the weather here. It feels like I haven't seen the sun shine in forever, even though it was out Christmas Day. But it's been so rainy and yucky lately. And cold. But when it's not rainy and cold, it's relatively warm. And that's a killer on your sinuses, believe me. The clouds and fog and rain are just depressing I guess. Especially this time of year.

John might be going to Georgia tomorrow. If he does, he'll be coming home Tuesday night, and I'll get to see him Wednesday. So it's not like it'll be forever until we hang out again. It just means I'll be stuck here by myself since my parents have to go back to work and Michelle will probably want to go shopping 'alone'. Oh well. I'll live. Besides, boredom isn't always a bad thing.

Anyway, I think I'm going to go hang out with Michelle. She was being a bitch yesterday, but she wants to spend time with me tonight...to make amends, I suppose. But she mentioned putting a puzzle together and maybe playing Monopoly, so I guess I'll take her up on her offer.

I'm sure I'll post again soon.

Theories, part two.

Ok, so this is what John and I were doing while my mom and my aunt were sitting right across the room from us. And the theory he's talking about at the beginning was my theory that my mom and my aunt were acting so rude because they thought if they ignored us, we would go away. And it should be pretty easy to figure out who's saying what. So, enjoy.

Your theory may be correct. Test it, and it’ll be that other thing that I can’t remember. What’s it called? Theory….made factual…..by experiment…………..shit, what’s it called? A LAAAAAAAAAW! That’s what I meant. Yeah. A law. I just like typing, OK?

Um, YEAH, I know the feeling. Why must everything be so DIFFICULT?!

Look away for a moment. *SMILE* I’m not saying anything.

Hey poopie! They’re making jokes and just totally leaving us ouuuuttt.

Dammit, I wanna’ laugh too. Like, really BAD. And I’m suffering. Because I don’t have my McDonald’s. Or my movie. *SCREECHES* I WANT MY SATURDAY NIGHT MOVIE!!

You have a “Saturday night movie”? Um, usually you’re with me on Saturday nights dude. And we don’t watch movies.-_-

It’s a new thing. Starting……………………………………………………………..now. Shush, girl. Shut your lips. LISTEN TO THEEMMM. I cannot understand their language. It’s like they are speaking in tongues. The bad kind.

If the Saturday night movie thing is new, do I get to participate? :)

That was the original plan, remember? I just feel like typing, ok? I’m in that typing mood. AWRIGHT? CAPISCE? I guess you want-a type-a?

Yes-a! You know, you shouldn’t call your girlfriend a dumbass. It kinda makes you look badddd.

OHMYGAWD! I just thought of something HUUUUGE. Actually, it’s a fantastically bad idea. HOW ABOUTTTTT….I call your mommy’s phone and be like “HEY GIRL WHAT”S UP??!!?” Yeah. Bad idea. Hmmmmmmmm………..I think later. I am thinking now……………..why’d she leave like that?

She went to turn the heat up. But when she looked at me before she got up, I think she said, “When’s he leaving?”

Surely, your ears deceive you. HOPEFULLYYYYYYYYYYYy. NO. Your ears deceived you. You must believe that. OK?! RIGHT> NOW, I’m leaving. Goodbye. SHE….*splutters*…YOU….*splutters* BUH YOU SAY SHE SAY MEH LEAAAVE!

But I don’t wannnnnt you tooooooo-uh.

I just wish she had the balls to tell me to leave. Instead of keeping us all…twisted. Like this. I’m just gonna’ go. I don’t appreciate this. You wanna’ come with?

You know she won’t let me. She’ll be like, “You’ve been with him all afternoon.” She thinks that’s such a good excuse. But why is it so bad that we spend time together? It’s not like we’re with each other 24-7.

YEAH I JUST TEXTED YOUR MOM. I think the jig is up. IDK. OMG NOBODY DOES. Yeah, that’s your mom. She’s texting me to leave. I just know it. I’m psychic. To a degree. Not with a finger! WITH ME ‘EAD.

But you KNOW it’s not like a light. It doesn’t have an on-off switch!!! I think she sent you one back. She looked like she was texting. And you know she’s a little slow haha.

She’s still texting. She hasn’t closed her phone, I don’t think. WHAT HAVE IDONE? WHAT HAVE I DONE? I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING. I’m going to that college for court reportin’. Because I type so fast I can probably type down everything the judge says. In court. You know…report what he says in court. Court Reportin’. College of Court reportin’. In fact, I believe there is one in Texas. Fort Worth or something. Idk. Some shit. SHE NEVER TEXTED BACK DID SHE? HOW YOU KNOW??

I asked her. She shook her head. And you know what’s really irritating? Michelle’s on her side. She’s acting like we’re criminals or something. It’s not fair! No es justo!

What makes you think she thinks…what makes you think she thinks we’re criminals? I mean, how are you getting that vibe?

Idk. I just….am. Ok?

Well, judging from past events, that actually makes sense. Because….well, I have like…a psychic connection. Please tell me I have a guilty look on my face. What are they being so rude to me?
She just asked michelle a question LOOOOOK what are they doing? What’d she say/ I’m freaking out whyasdlkf are they doing that/ wa;si havefn’t done anything I….what? what’d she say? Wahat? Huh? What?

Caaaaalllllmmm down. She said she was gonna come over here. Look! There she is!
Mom, you didn’t answer his question.

I think ya’ll have been together long enough today and you SERIOUSLY need to clean your room. So if ya’ll wanna spend time together tomorrow I think you should call it a night & start on your room. Love, Mom.

See now, why couldn’t she say that earlier and NOT waste my time?

Be strong, Mom. He wants food, and he wants to watch a movie. Well, he wanted to watch it here, with me, but whatever. But now he just wants to go eat and watch his Saturday night movie. He wanted you to tell him if you wanted him to leave. I’m no messenger gal. Being a messenger gal puts me in a difficult position. He has to OPEN tomorrow. OPEN. Oooooopen. So it’s not like we were gonna hang out waaay late anyway. I’m just sayin’. I was planning on doing that tomorrow, while you were at work.

She still hasn’t directly answered my question. Well, she sorta’ did. But I’m heading to GA. Possibly. Probably not. But it’s a definite possibility. And I won’t be back until Tuesday afternoon or evening. And Wednesday, I gotta’ close. Then I gotta’ work Thursday…I’m off Friday, but that’s your LAST day. Right?

Well, we’ll still get to see each other Wednesday, won’t we? I mean, it’s freaking New Year’s Eve. But what about your grandpa’s b-day?

Perhaps we should go down there….away from *snarls* THEM.

Well, as good as getting away from *snarls* THEM sounds….he’s probably down there because he wants to be *snarls* ALONE. That’s just how much of a dud he is. See? Not dad, DUD. DUUUUUD. I hope we get to shoot fireworks. DUUUUUUUUUDS. They’re all a bunch of duds.

ZOMFG. My nipples look like milk duds! That’s….that’s a joke. They don’t actually look like
milk duds. K. Got that. Good. Got it. MOVING ON. I WANNA’ BE A DUD! DUDDYYYY! Why are they trying to single me out? They’re trying to get you on their side! Are y’all seriously going out to eat? I doubt it. She’ll probably just make eat here….with *snarls* THEM.

But I dooon’t wannnaaaaa. I’m really in the mood for pasta. But will she let me have that? No. NO MEANS NO! ….HELP ME

I HOPE YOU LET THEM KNOW HOW RUDE THEY’VE BEEN TO ME. When I leave, you should let Michelle know…well, she’s rude. And then go into a long, lengthy lecture about it. She’s ignored me the entire time. And YOU. And you’re her niece. Her ONLY niece. You’re family, and she hasn’t seen you…..get my point? Catch my drift? OHKAI, BAIBAI. BAI. Bay.bay. bee. I just don’t wanna’ leave. Not without you anyway. It feels wrong. I hate this. This is wrong. I’ve said that already. It’s 8:30. I’m hungry. Is there no way your mom and I can cut a deal? It doesn’t look like it does it? Chances are slimk. Not fat. Right. Got it. Thumbs up. I mean, down. Bad. Bad. Awful. I mean, I’m just great. I’m fantastic, and she just’s mean. I ddidn’tads;lkjfds fdsifna;dkjga;diNow I DON’T WANNA LEAVEEEEEEEEEEEE.
I think your mom and M…………your whole family hates me. Yeah. Except Phyllis. She’s the only one who EVER liked me! Yuh-ahuh.

No, Nanny and Pop like you. They like everybody. And they LOOOOOVE me, so if you have anything to do with me, they’re gonna like you. And Michelle’s telling me that you should leave so my mom doesn’t get mad.

I just don’t wanna’ leave just because she said so. Know what I mean? Why can’t I leave on my own? I’m about to deliver probably the best insult. Michelle is a LOT like my mom. ‘nuff said. Will you walk me to muh car? I DON’T LIKE HER LAUGH IT’S FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE

Will you be on AIM any tonight?

I will be just for you. :)

I’m anxious to try out my webcam with AIM. But we don’t have to stay on long since you have to get up early tomorrow. That works. Let’s go now. Before I get in twubble.

Theories.

Man, my family can suck sometimes.

Ok, so my aunt is in town from Arizona for the holidays. She and I have been pretty close ever since I was a baby, since I'm her only niece. Every time she comes home for a visit, she spends the majority of her time with me. But this time, she doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. I'm not sure if it's because I have a boyfriend and maybe she thinks she would be intruding or something, or if it's because I'm 16 and not her 'little girl' anymore, or if she's just being more self-centered than usual. Whatever the problem is, it's starting to get on my nerves.

She came to my house tonight to do some laundry, since my grandparents (who she's staying with) don't have a dryer. Well, John and I were in the living room playing Monopoly, and she didn't even come speak to us. The only time she talked to me was when she was asking about the washing machine settings. How rude. She didn't even tell us bye when she left. But then she came back after my mom came home. She still didn't socialize with me or John. She and my mom were just having a conversation like we weren't even there. And, to make matters worse, my mom seemed to be getting irritated because John was still there. She thought we'd spent enough time together for one day, and apparently, she wanted him to leave. But she wouldn't say that to his face.

There were just a lot of bad vibes going around my living room tonight. But what made it funny was the fact that John and I were sitting on the couch typing back and forth with each other on my laptop, talking about it. I'll have to put that up, but I'll do it in another post. This one's long enough.

Meep.

Man, today was great. I'm officially "ungrounded". John and I did a little shopping this morning for his mom. We went to Waffle House for breakfast too. Then we came home and watched tv and ate macaroni & cheese for lunch. Unfortunately I had a doctor's appointment and several errands to run for my mom, so we couldn't hang out ALL afternoon. But I got a lot accomplished today - at least, it feels like I did. I got the gift cards for my mom's boss and Michelle, and I did all the other chores Mom wanted me to do. Actually, she was in a really good mood today. And she didn't give me a hard time about meeting John on break. AND, she let me hang with him after work even though he got off at 10.

Michelle called while I was waiting on John to get off work. She's flying home from Phoenix in the morning. Well, actually, her plane leaves from Sky Harbor Airport at like 1AM, which is 3AM Eastern time. So she'll be on her way home in like...3 hours haha. I'm picking her up from the airport, too. But John's going with me, so I don't have to make the drive alone. I'll definitely enjoy the company.

He and I went to Waffle House tonight, after he got off work. We only had time for drinks, but we definitely made the most of our time. And the funniest part was when I lost my balance and fell in the parking lot as we were going to the car. Good thing I fell forward, too. It didn't really hurt though. Actually, it kinda reminded me of that Aerosmith song - the one that says, "Falling in love is so hard on the knees." It's true, literally.

Anyway, I'm going to call it a night, since I have to get up a little early tomorrow. And, tomorrow's gonna be a busy day. Great, but busy. So...goodnight.

Since when was genius found respectable?

As weird as it sounds coming from me, I'm really glad the weekend's almost over. My "grounded-ness" is over as of tomorrow. I'll be able to hang out with John again. And I vow to never break my mom's rules again. Well, I vow not to get caught, at least haha. I can at least promise to always make sure I know my curfew and abide by it...'cause I don't think I can handle being grounded again. It's so BORING. Like, you have no idea. It's an awful feeling when your punishment is not being able to see the one person who really makes you happy. I don't want that to happen again. Anyway, I just thought I'd throw that out there. But I don't really have anything else to talk about, so I think I'm gonna go listen to some music. Loud music.

Home on Friday night?

Well, there's only a few more days until Christmas. Six, to be exact. I'm still excited about it, but in a big way, I just want it to be over with. I mean, don't get me wrong - the lights, the presents, the family time - it's all great. But I'm not getting as 'into it' as I thought I would. I haven't even gone driving around and looking at Christmas lights yet. Of course, Michelle and I will probably do that the night she comes home, and probably Christmas Eve, but still. Things just feel so rushed this year. And I still haven't gotten my mom anything. But Michelle's helping me out with that, too.

What's really a bummer is the fact that my Christmas break officially started today, and I'm grounded. All because I came home a few minutes late Wednesday. So now, I'm grounded through Sunday. I can't see John at all, which is a serious bummer. Well, actually I saw him today at Bilo, but my parents aren't to know about that. Anyway, as of right now, I can't see him until Monday. Thankfully, my mom didn't take away my cell phone or computer privileges, so we can still keep in touch. Thank God for technology, eh?

This Christmas is certainly going to be emotional. For one thing, it'll be my last Christmas as a student in high school. My last one before graduation, before college. That's overwhelming enough. But then, there's Nanny. Her health has been on a slow, downward spiral ever since October of 2005, but things are happening more and more frequently these days. She just came home from the hospital today after having pneumonia (which, according to the doctor, she still has). That makes the second hospitalization for her in only 3 months. And the saddest part is that it's like she knows this is going to be her last Christmas. It's like she's holding on just a little bit longer, just to see her family all together one last time. But I guess I understand. She's 84 years old, and she's been through more than anybody I know, medically speaking - diabetes, open heart surgery, blindness, necrotizing fasciitis, heart failure, a mild heart attack, kidney failure...it's a miracle she's still here. But I'm trying to see things from her point of view. I know she has to be tired of all the doctor visits and prescriptions and needle sticks. But as tired as she is, she's not giving up. She's hanging on as long as her body will let her, and I'm not sure if it's for herself or for our family. Regardless, she's strong and she's still here, and that's exactly why I love her and look up to her so much.

The art of rollercoasting.

Isn't it strange how our moods can change so quickly? Everything somehow affects the emotions - food, smells, words, even just the presence of a certain person. And in the blink of an eye, you can go from having the worst day ever, to being happy and upbeat and grateful for everything. And vice versa. To me, the most amazing thing is how conversations can change your mood. Actually, I think it's amazing how conversations themselves can change so quickly, depending on who you're with. But think about it - when you're in a bad mood, and you talk to someone in a good mood, two things can (and usually do) happen: one, the person in a good mood is going to catch on to your bad mood, and he or she is going to start feeling slightly less enthusiastic about everything. And two, you're going to either feel envious and bitter because the other person has a reason to feel happy, or you're going to pick up on the other person's good mood and let it chase away your negative feelings. Either way, both of you are going to have a change in your emotions. And when people talk about "emotional rollercoasters", they're right. That's exactly what it is. Every day, you're on an emotional rollercoaster. It's just a matter of how you interpret the ride.

Here it's December every day.

Wow. Today is December 1st. Christmas is 3 weeks from this Thursday. That's so hard to believe! I still have to buy gifts for like, five people. And for two of those five, I have absolutely no clue what to get. I'm ready to start making Christmas candy. Every year, my mom and I make peanut butter balls, and sometimes we make chocolate-covered pretzels. A couple years ago, we made fudge. Maybe we could make some this year. Cookies would be delicious, too.

I'm hoping this week goes by rather quickly. The weekend should be fun. Unfortunately, I have to deal with four more days of school before the weekend gets here. But on the bright side, I get out early tomorrow and Thursday. I guess the only downside is the fact that I seem to have more homework than usual already this week. Oh well. It's a part of life, I guess.

Oh, and on another good note - Michelle emailed me today and said she's coming home on December 23, and she gets to stay until January 3. Hopefully she and I will get to spend a lot of time together while she's here. I'm definitely looking forward to it.

Anyway, I'm going to try to get some of that homework out of the way so I can have a life this week. Don't you just hate how school seems to get in the way of every little thing?

Good riddance.

Ok, so today has just been....weird. Mom was in a bad mood this afternoon, and she kept wanting to argue about EVERY little thing. We smoothed everything over when I got home tonight, but still. It was just unnerving. Anyway, John and I went to Best Buy, TGI Friday's, and Target tonight. It really was fun, but talking about graduation and Christmas and all that stuff over dinner just completely changed my mood. And now I can't stop thinking about it.

I don't like the idea of the future. As bad as that sounds, it's true. I'm completely terrified to think about graduation and everything afterwards. I'm afraid of losing everything I have now. And maybe that'll change as the months go by, I don't know. I just can't be sure. But the future means change, and right now, I don't want anything to change. Maybe a few things, but only minor stuff - nothing long term. Unfortunately, right now, I can't think about anything past Christmas without wanting to cry. I hate that.

I'm not going to worry about it all right now. I'm just not. I'll procrastinate my worrying. It'll hit me after the holidays anyway, right? I want to enjoy Christmas, and enjoy being with people I love. And I can't enjoy it if I'm constantly freaking out about walking across the stage at Littlejohn or whether or not I really want to get my nursing license. So until Christmas, I want to be relaxed. I want to goof off and have fun. Besides, Christmas is one of those things that inevitably makes you feel like a kid again, so goofing off and having fun is perfectly normal, right?

John didn't seem himself tonight. I think he was just tired. He did worry me a little at the restaurant when he said he felt dizzy. Lightheaded, whatever. I hope everything's ok. But I'm sure it is. I guess I'm just being an overly-concerned girlfriend, even though it's probably not necessary. Oh well. I apologize, but that's just who I am.

Man, I need to shut up and go to bed, seriously. I keep worrying about things I shouldn't be worried about. Little things. Things that are completely fine, yet insecure people like me find a reason to worry about. I hope things are better tomorrow. Well, today.

Goodnight.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tomorrow's Turkey Day. Thanksgiving. El Día de Gracias. Whatever you wanna call it. And this year, I have a LOT to be thankful for. My parents, for one thing - I can't imagine how hard it's been for them to put up with me (being the typical, complicated teenage girl I've been) over the last 10 months or so. Especially over the summer. Man, I had some drama going on. And that's another thing - I'm thankful that all that crap is behind me. I'm thankful that things with Colby worked out (or didn't, I suppose) like they did. Being with him was a mistake anyway. I'm thankful for school, in a way. If it weren't for school, I wouldn't have so many friends, and I wouldn't be taking the best class ever - anatomy. I'm thankful for my grandparents, of course. They're the best. And I'm thankful for Anna, even though she tends to be a little...strange sometimes. But hey, she listens when nobody else does. And I'm extremely thankful for John this year. At first, it was weird to be dating him again, but I've been enjoying every minute of it. I mean, what would I do if he weren't a part of my life? Nothing. Seriously, my life would be so boring. I'd be sitting at home every night, getting more and more sick of my parents by the second. That's another reason why I'm really thankful for my parents - they put up with me and John seeing each other every day. They could be really mean and not let me do anything with him, but they're not. They let me get away with a lot, and that means the world to me. I just wish I could show them how much I appreciate it.

So, tomorrow, I'm going to help my mom finish up all the food preparations. I know it's kind of pointless to make a nice fancy Thanksgiving dinner for 3 people, but hey - it's the thought that counts, right? My parents and I are actually going to sit down together and eat tomorrow. We're going to spend time together. That'll be really nice. And then, tomorrow afternoon my mom and I are going to get a new Christmas tree and put it up. Then at some point, I'll be going nextdoor to help my grandparents decorate their house for Christmas. And last but not least, at some point tomorrow night, I'll get to spend a little time with John. I can't wait.

I'm sure I've said this before, but all in all, I think this is going to be the best holiday season ever. And to think, it all starts tomorrow. I mean, tomorrow's Thanksgiving! It's kind of scary to think that Christmas is less than a month away, but at the same time, it feels like this has been the longest year ever. It's time for the holidays, and it's going to be awesome this year. So, on that note, I'm going to go to bed. Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

It ticks just like a Timex.

"Raining On Sunday" is a perfect song to listen to on a day like today, even though it's not Sunday. I listened to it like five times on my way home from the doctor's office this afternoon.

I've been thinking about John more than usual today. No, not anything perverted. He's just been on my mind quite a bit. Maybe it's the weather - making me wish we were at the mall drinking apple cider from Williams-Sonoma or something. Too bad he's working tonight. When I stopped in Bi-Lo on my way home to get a pack of gum, I couldn't seem to stop smiling when I was at the register. His register. What's up with that?

We had a really serious conversation last night at dinner. An adult conversation. And our first one, at that. I've never seen that side of him, but it certainly wasn't a bad thing. I'm glad we can be that open with each other. He seemed surprisingly comfortable, and so was I.

I hate that I couldn't meet him on break tonight. But my mom wanted me to stay and eat dinner with her and Daddy. Not that I mind - it's just the way she made a big deal about it. I didn't want to hurt her feelings though. I just hate being torn between people like that.

Oh well. Tomorrow's going to be a good day. I get to spend all day with John. Who knows what we'll end up doing, since our plans tend to change a LOT. That's what makes it fun though. Like ice cream and global warming, really.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

My mom still can't make up her mind about getting a new Christmas tree. She wants the Timberland Spruce, but she wants to look at the Donner Fir again because she might just like that one better. I need to do some Christmas shopping myself. I just can't decide what to get anyone. I can't wait until Christmas break, though. I won't even have to go to school two days during exam week. Michelle emailed me and said she's trying to decide what day she's coming home. Hopefully she'll come home a day or two before Christmas so she'll get to stay until New Year's.

I'm really looking forward to this week. Tuesday is going to be awesome, I'm sure. John and I are going to try to do a little Christmas shopping and hopefully see the Twilight movie. Neither one of us has to work, and we both get out of school early, so we'll have the whole day to hang out. Then, Wednesday, my Thanksgiving break "officially" starts, so my mom and I will probably be cooking and getting Christmas decorations ready to put up. Thursday and Friday will be fun, too. Thursday we'll have Thanksgiving dinner, and Friday we'll put up the Christmas tree. I can't wait.

I think I'm really going to get into the Christmas spirit this year. It's my senior year, so I want to enjoy it to the fullest. But it's not just that. I want to enjoy spending time with people I care about, because here lately it doesn't seem like I do enough of that. Everything just feels right this year, and I want to celebrate because of it. And with all that, something tells me that this holiday season is going to be the best one yet.

It's Tunday!

Well, actually, it's Friday. But John says every day he's with me, it's Tunday. We have a date tonight, and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm extremely glad it's Friday. This past week has been rather stressful, and I'm just ready to have fun. Unfortunately, I have to go to work first. That's just such a waste of time. Oh well. It's part of life, right?