I can only imagine.

Today was a rough day. The funeral for Priscilla and Lydia was today. It was really a good service. The drama team at our old school performed "There Is A Fountain", but before the service began, all the girls from the drama team walked out and placed a rose in each casket. That was the hardest thing I've ever done, or will ever do - that, and performing "There Is A Fountain" up on the stage without Priscilla and Lydia performing with us. Seeing their mom on the front row, and looking down from the stage and seeing the caskets there while we performed...it was almost too much for me. There was even a slide show at the end of the church service set to the song "I Can Only Imagine". That's what really got to everybody. Anyway, the graveside service was really short. But their headstones were beautiful. They each had a huge stone, with a mural on it. It was like a mural of Jesus, with a sunrise and doves, and each stone had their names and birthdays. They were absolutely beautiful. But Renee (their mom) didn't handle it well at all. It was hard for me to see her like that. The whole thing was just....overwhelming. I'm awfully glad John was there, though. I know I keep thanking him and telling him I feel bad for bringing him with me, but I seriously don't know if I could've done it without him. I guess I just prefer his comfort to anybody else's. I'm just lucky I have him.

I skipped English tonight, so I could go to dinner with him and Naia. I really missed her while she was gone to Georgia. She took us to Olive Garden. It was nice. And the hickey thing wasn't an issue, which was good. Anyway, I had to be home at 9, so we didn't really get to hang out after dinner, but it was still nice getting to see her and spend time with her and John.

When I got home tonight, my mom was being her usual self - pissy because I'd been with John (for what she thought was only half an hour). So of course, we got into it and she ended up telling me that she thinks John is possessive and that I'm obsessed with him so I ended up telling her that I wish she could just be happy that I have somebody in my life who makes me happy. Then I told her that I've just been all out of whack ever since I had the wreck and that everything seems so overwhelming right now, and she said she's just having a hard time because I'm stressed out and I'm growing up and it was just one big emotional wreck because I just had to start crying. But I think I just got upset because everything finally just hit me all at once - the funeral, the fact that they're gone - everything. And my mom told me that Priscilla had something about me on her MySpace profile. So I looked at it, and under the "Own Your Friends" application, she has my picture, and her note says, "I love you April you're my bestie and always will be." I didn't even realize it was there, because it hadn't shown up on her profile before.

I just miss her. I'm going to miss hanging out with her. I'm going to miss seeing her out at Greenville-Pickens on Saturday nights this summer. I'm going to miss her laugh, and her hugs. I can't believe she's gone. I know she's in a better place, but it's just so hard to let go. And I'm going to miss Lydia just as much. She was always there, right there with Priscilla. They were inseparable. And Lydia was always smiling too. They were just always so happy. And the pastors were right - they loved everybody, unconditionally. And they'll be missed. They'll be loved and missed, unconditionally.

Rest in peace, Priscilla and Lydia. You're both beautiful, amazing young girls, and you will be missed greatly. Nobody understands why you were taken at such a young age, we all know that everything happens for a reason, and I know you're in a better place now. Both of you girls will always have a special place in my heart. I love you Priscilla and Lydia.