Studying? I think not.

I'm in econ right now. Mr. Massingill is showing us prom pictures from different high schools around Greenville county. We're supposed to be doing practice exams for AP Government. Ha. I hate this class. Well, it's a love-hate thing.

Prom is two weeks from Saturday. I'm so excited. John and I are going tomorrow to get him fitted for his tux. He's wearing a gold vest, and I can't wait to see him in it. I think he'll look so great. I'm glad I chose to wear the black and gold dress. It's really pretty, and it's more comfortable than the blue and white one. I just have to find jewelry to go with it. But I plan on shopping for jewelry and shoes after school today. Kellie might be going with me, if her mom doesn't go to church, but Kellie's car wasn't in the parking lot this morning, so I don't know if she's even here. We're going to get our nails done together on the day before prom, and we're getting our hair and makeup done together the day of. It's going to be a lot of fun.

It's 10:45. John's probably getting out of anatomy right now. Mr. Massingill is such a weirdo. He's analyzing the girls' prom dresses in those pictures. I'll be so glad when I'm out of this class. And now he's calling people fat.

I wonder what time John went to sleep last night. He said he drank a Coke while he was at Naia's. I really wish he wouldn't do that. Caffeine affects him on a massive level, and I worry about him when he stays up so late. It's not healthy, and then he ends up being exhausted later the next day. And that's no fun for either of us.

I plan to meet him on break tonight. I probably won't be gone shopping that long. I'm probably just going to Shoe Carnival and maybe the mall. But I might wait and go to the mall tomorrow while I'm out with John. I'm just looking for jewelry and a purse. No biggie if I don't go tonight.

John hasn't texted me or called me any this morning. That's odd. But he doesn't usually text or call on Mondays and Wednesdays, that I've noticed.

Oh, I got to teach this morning in Teacher Cadets. I'm doing my field experience in Mrs. Ellenburg's 2nd grade class at West End, and today I taught my review lesson on inference. Mrs. Hiott even came to watch. It went very well, even though I didn't feel completely prepared. But Mrs. Hiott loved it, and the kids were really into it. I think it was a success, for a review lesson anyway. And I'm going back tomorrow to stay the whole day. The kids were really excited when they heard that. Y'know, it's funny. I don't want to be a teacher at all, but I love the kids to death and I would rather spend all day every day in the classroom with them than have to go back and deal with Mrs. Hiott for the last few weeks of school. Oh well.

Well, I guess Mr. Massingill isn't going to make the other half of the class take the practice exams on the computer. That's perfectly fine with me. Nobody else seems to care either. This class is just such a waste of time. But I got a 91 on my last test so I'm happy.

Crap. I have an anatomy quiz today. Yay for nephrons!

Anyway, I think I'm going to go. Class is over in 20 minutes, but I wanna look some stuff online up before we have to go. Too bad we can't check Facebook and Twitter n' stuff. Oh well.

I'll try to post again later.

Never leave me.

So much for getting back on track.

I'm starting to worry about John. It seems like he's in a funk. And I'm assuming it's because he's worked so much lately, and because of his parents, but regardless, I don't like it. He's in a constant state of exhaustion, and he keeps saying all this stuff about how he wants another job and he wants things he can't have and all this other stuff. It's just getting to me.

Holy shit. I just realized like a million things in about half a second.

Anyway, I'm just worried about John right now. I know he needs the money from his job, but I wish he could take a few days off and rest. And I mean, really rest. I wish there was something I could do to make him better. I feel like there's nothing I can really do. He's starting to seem bummed out about a lot, and I just hate to see him unhappy like that.

Oh, and what happens when you have big decisions to make and there are certain questions you have to ask yourself before you can make the decisions, but you don't know the answers to the questions?

I have an overwhelming urge to run away from everything right now. Like, seriously. I just wanna get in the car and drive to Florida and stay there for a few days. I wanna plant myself in a chair by the ocean and take in the sun. I want to be anywhere but here right now. And school - gah, school. I'm so ready for it to be over. I'm tired of it. It seems like such a monumental waste of time now. I don't want to go back tomorrow. Tomorrow is a B-day, and B-days are just so long and so boring and so pointless. I just want to run away.

And what happens when the questions you have to ask are questions that you can't ask anybody but yourself? When there's nobody who can really help you and nobody who can give you an answer. What happens when it's all up to you?

I just want everything to be ok. But I think I've said that before. Nothing happened.

I wonder what it's like to be older. To be where you're supposed to be. I overheard a couple girls in my Spanish class this morning talking about college, and they were talking about dorms and semesters and all this other stuff. And it made me realize that I don't feel one bit ready to leave high school. I'm 16 years old. I should be in tenth grade, but I'm a senior. Fixing to graduate. Fixing to walk across a stage with a piece of paper that says I put up with a bunch of pointless crap for the last 12 years of my life, fixing to start a new life...essentially. But I'm not ready for that. I feel like every other 16 year old should feel - like I have two more of high school drama left, like I still have a junior and senior year to look forward to. I don't want to go to college. Well, I do, but only because I just can't wait to become a nurse and start helping people. But I'm really scared of that right now. Not of being a nurse - just of being out of high school and being in college and in the real world. At 16. I'm not an adult for two more years. Why should I have to start acting like one now?

I need to go to bed. I'm getting sleepy, and I've got way too much on my mind to be sitting here posting a blog that might not make any sense.

Goodnight.

Vacation's over.

Man, it feels like I haven't posted a blog in forever. But I haven't posted since last Sunday, so I guess it has been a while.

Well, spring break turned out to be ok. John was over at my house a lot. And Wednesday night he and I went to Frankie's Fun Park with my best friend Kellie and her boyfriend Joe. It was really fun. I went back to work on Thursday night, and I worked every day over the weekend, including Easter Sunday (yesterday). John worked a lot too, so we were both pretty tired by the time the weekend was over. And yesterday evening, I went to his aunt and uncle's house to have dinner with them and John's parents and Naia, and John's little cousin Daniel. It wasn't awkward or anything, and I didn't feel as out-of-place as I thought I was going to. But John and I spent most of the time with Daniel, so it wasn't that bad. And after we left, we drove over to Naia's to visit with her for a little while before I had to be home. That was really nice. Well, at first, Naia was upset because of the whole ordeal with John's parents - he's "not allowed" to visit his own grandmother because he's "irresponsible" and all this other crap. And it's really upsetting Naia. She actually cried a little bit last night. But John and I made her feel better, I think. After a few minutes, she was back to herself. Unfortunately, we could only stay a few more minutes with her since I had a 10:00 curfew.

While we were over at Naia's, John and I ended up continuing our conversation about marriage that we started on AIM the other night. He seems to have it planned more than I do. We both have good ideas though. I just know we won't be making that sort of move any time soon. But it makes me feel good that he's thinking about it.

We've been dating just over 7 months now. Kinda hard to believe. It doesn't seem like it's been that long, though. But this past month has been really long. It's been good though. And I hate that spring break's over already. I really enjoyed being out of school and being able to spend more time with John. I feel bad about today though. He skipped school and came over and woke me up this morning, and then he ended up going back to sleep for over half an hour. We watched Will & Grace in my room, and then I decided to fix lunch. He didn't come in the kitchen with me though, so I was kinda lonely for the few minutes it took for the macaroni to cook. After that, I was just kinda blah and bored, and I also felt a little tired, so I just wanted to chill. Plus, I was bummed that I had to work tonight. And I just took that all out on him. I didn't mean to though. And I felt extremely guilty because we ended up not having time to watch the movie he brought over today. I just felt really bad. But he didn't seem to be mad about it or anything. I mean, he certainly didn't seem mad right before I left for work. But I still I want to make it up to him.

I guess I'm just realizing a lot right now. And one thing I'm realizing is the fact that I am one very lucky girl with one very awesome boyfriend. I know he says that he feels like there's no point in his life and he gets bummed out about work and he deals with a lot of shit from his parents and school, but he still manages to make me happy in every way possible. I'm just lucky to have him.

And right now he's having a sort of 'episode' on AIM, and it's quite hilarious, so I'm gonna go talk to him for a few more minutes before I straighten my hair and go to bed.

Goodnight.

Give me novacaine.

I think I'm starting to be like John. And what I mean by that is, everything is all I've ever wanted.

We were going to try to go to Six Flags with Kellie and Joe this week, since it's spring break. But I have to work Wednesday. Of course, right now I don't want to go to Six Flags anyway since my mouth still hurts from my wisdom teeth surgery, but John still wants to go to Georgia anyway. When he and his mom came by earlier, we were talking about spring break, and he said something about how when you're in college, you're supposed to go places and do cool stuff over spring break. For some reason, that's been bugging me ever since. I don't want to go to Six Flags because of my mouth, and I probably won't be able to get off work anyway. I have to try though, for him.

I just don't want him to have a boring spring break. I mean, he's right - all the college kids go to places like Cancun or Miami and get to do all the fun stuff. He deserves that too. And I'm not trying to sound negative here (believe me, that funk I was in for like a month is over), but...I can't make that happen for him.

I wish we could go to Seaside Beach and stay at one of the cottages that my cousins have. I wish there was a way around my parents and work. It's just been such a long school year, and John and I have both been through a lot. We deserve a break. But I don't want him to be stuck here not doing anything because I can't get off work or because I'm getting over having some teeth pulled. He'll tell me that he doesn't care, or that he'll get over it. But I know it'll disappoint him if we can't go to Atlanta. I want better for him.

I hate pain medication. It's just a mask. It covers up the pain. It makes everything foggy. And I figured out tonight that oxycodone makes me dizzy. That's not a good feeling. And what about Kellie's dress? She still hasn't found a prom dress yet. And I promised her I'd go shopping with her to find a dress. I hate how work gets in the way of everything. She works more than I do.

I just want to chill tomorrow. I want to hurry up and get over this whole wisdom teeth thing. It's ridiculous. It's absolutely ridiculous to be in this kind of pain from having four teeth pulled. It's just teeth, man! I've had teeth pulled before. Three at one time. Why do wisdom teeth have to be any different? And why are they called wisdom teeth, anyway? I don't feel like my intelligence has dropped any since I had them removed. It's just a big inconvenience, really. At least, when it comes to eating. I just hate feeling like this. The pain medicine is just blah but I don't want to complain about hurting because I'm not helpless. I'm just glad John gets to come over tomorrow. I seriously plan on not doing anything. I mean, I want to be as lazy as possible tomorrow. Just for one day. And there's no better way to officially kick off my spring break than to be completely lazy and chill at home watching movies with my boyfriend.

But really. I really, really hate pain medication.

Goodnight.

Oxycodone.

Man, today was the most wasted day ever. I got my wisdom teeth taken out this morning. When I went back for the procedure, the nurse gave me some "laughing gas" to help me relax. It made me all sleepy. Then Dr. Wilson came in, and he started an IV in my hand (since he couldn't get the needle to go in either one of my arms. He was talking to me before he started the IV, but I was already feeling a little out of it because of the laughing gas so I couldn't really respond. I remember hearing him say something about me having a tan, and I laughed, but that was about it. I think the last thing I remember hearing Dr. Wilson say was something about relaxing because I had a beautiful heart rate and beautiful blood pressure. His voice was really soft. Anyway, my mom said I was completely asleep by about ten after 9, and when I woke up, it was around 10:00. But I don't remember waking up. I remember the nurse coming in to take me to the little "recovery" room, and I remember her saying something about getting my balance and something about the recliner. I was pretty out of it though. And it was kinda funny, 'cause I had to keep one eye closed for like an hour after my surgery because if I kept both eyes open I would start seeing doubles.

After I got home, I pretty much slept on and off all afternoon. Around 1:00, my mom told me John was coming over. That made me feel better. So I texted him and sure enough, he was coming to see me. And my mom actually let him stay with me while she went to get my paycheck from work and deposit it at the bank. He made some macaroni for lunch, and I tried to eat a little bit of it, but I couldn't because my mouth was too sore. The thought was nice though. And really, him being there was enough to make me feel better. I just wish he could've stayed longer, but he had to go home and clean his room before he went to work. After he left, I just went back to sleep.

Around 6, I woke up and took another pain pill. Dr. Wilson wrote my prescription for oxycodone, which is a pretty strong pain medication. They didn't even give my dad that for his back. But I'm not complaining - the stuff works. I went back to sleep til about 7:30, when my mom woke me up because she'd brought me some macaroni & cheese from KFC. It was really good, but that's probably just because it was the only thing I'd really been able to eat all day. But whatever the reason, I ate it and took another nap til about 9:00, and then I came to my room to talk to John on AIM. Well, I wasn't in here very long before I got really nauseated and started to gag. I threw up, but barely. And my dad went to the store to get me some Ice Breakers to help the nausea go away. I've felt better since then.

Anyway, John was bored (and rather hyper), so he decided to text Kayla and ask her if she wanted to hang out. She did, so he was going to meet up with her, but his dad wouldn't let him go anywhere. So John came back upstairs all mad, only to decide that he was going out anyway. So he left. I've texted him a couple times, but I haven't heard back from him. It's going on 1:00 though. He should be home by now, since he has to work in the morning. In fact, he's working a double shift tomorrow, so he should be getting some major rest tonight. But he's not home yet. I just wonder if his dad took his phone or something. I dunno. I was just hoping I'd get to talk to him again before I went to bed for the night. And I was actually hoping he could come by my house in between his shifts at Bilo tomorrow. But he might rather go home and take a nap. Again, I dunno. I just figure I'll be in a fair amount of pain tomorrow, and seeing him would certainly make me feel better.

Anyway, I guess I'm gonna call it a night. I'm going to take one more dose of my medicine, and wait on John just a little bit longer. I'll try to post again tomorrow.

Goodnight.

Back on track.

Tonight was a great night. The day overall wasn't really that bad, but tonight was great.

This morning, I stayed at school an extra two hours to help Ms. Watts and get the last of my NHS service hours. After I turned those in and turned in my work for Mrs. Burroughs, I left and went home to grab some stuff to take to my grandma's house. But when I got home, my dad wanted me to get him some lunch. (Yeah, he stayed home from work today because his back is giving him major issues). So I went to Athas in Powdersville and grabbed him a cheeseburger plate. Then, I went to Grandma's. I bought her a flower and a thank-you card for letting me borrow her car. She really enjoyed the flower. So I spent a little while at her house, just talking and watching tv, and then I had to leave to go to a doctor's appointment. But on my way to the doctor's office, I decided to go ahead and get gas since it's a few cents cheaper near Grandma's house. Well, that was certainly quite the experience. Ok, first of all, I was a little dressed up today. I was just wearing a white dress with a little blue sweater over it and some little white heels. But apparently, a girl in a dress is a rare thing at the gas station I went to. As soon as I pulled up and got out of my car, some guy came up and asked me was I married. Um.....I told him, "No, but I do have a boyfriend." And he was just like, "Well can I give you my phone number?" and he gave me a freakin' card with his name and phone number on it! I was just thinking, Ok could this get any creepier? And then, he offered to pump my gas for me so I wouldn't get dirty since I was all dressed up. I was just like, "Oh that's ok I've got it." And he told me like three times that I looked really nice. And the whole time, I was just thinking, Go away you creep. And then, I was walking into the store at the gas station (since today of all days, the debit card slot outside at the pump wasn't working), and some weird trashy looking chick was walking out and she was just like, "Ooh look at them pretty legs..." Um....lesbian, much? I mean, I don't mind compliments, and I'm cool with people who go the other way, but I've never had a girl check me out before. Needless to say, I was a little weirded out. So I got out of that gas station as quickly as I could.

Anyway, my doctor's appointment went well (I lost eight pounds in the last month), and after I was done, I drove over to Naia's to see her and John. We hung out for a little bit, and then John and I decided to go to his house so he could change jeans, and then we went to K-Mart to get the rest of the Twilight series for Naia. After that, we went to my house and waited for my mom to get home. But we waited until after 6:00 because she went by the pharmacy on her way home from work and didn't bother to tell anybody. I was actually getting really worried about her because I never heard from her and she usually gets home around 5:15 every day. But she was fine, luckily. Anyway, after my mom got home, John and I went to Golden Corral for supper. It was really good. John had never eaten there before, but I think he liked it. I certainly hope so. And after dinner, we went to Tropical Tan so I could get one last tanning session in before the weekend, and then we went to K-Mart again.

I had a great time at Golden Corral tonight. I was really relaxed, and John seemed to be in a pretty good mood, too. We laughed a lot, and then after we were finished eating he gave me a foot massage. That was awesome. And he waited on me while I was in the tanning bed. That just makes me happy - that he's willing to sit there and wait for me like that. He just makes me feel good - all over, I mean. Like tonight. I was just so happy tonight. Being with him and laughing and eating some good, hot comfort food - I felt good for the first time in over a month. I actually felt relaxed and happy. It seemed like everything was just perfect tonight - finally, like everything's going to be ok. And to be honest, I'm not quite sure why I felt like that. But I'm not complaining. I haven't exactly been myself since I had that wreck back in February, and then Priscilla and Lydia's accident just got the absolute worst of me. After all that, it's like everything was just shifted out of place. But now I feel like everything's falling back into place. And to think, all it took was one night with an amazing boyfriend - one night of not even really doing anything.

Anyway, I get my wisdom teeth taken out tomorrow morning at 9:00. I'm dreading it, but I'm looking forward to all the sleep I'll be catching up on. The only real bummer is the fact that I probably won't see John again until Mo.nday. Unless my mom decides to be generous and let him come see me Sunday. I hope so, 'cause it'll certainly be nice to see his face while I'm not feeling great. Granted, I'll probably look like a chipmunk or something, but hopefully he won't mind too much.

Anyway, I'm gonna call it a night. I need to straighten my hair before I go to bed, and I'm still talking to John on AIM. Wish me luck tomorrow!

Goodnight.