Just a possibility.

Maybe I'm not the person I used to be.

Maybe I really have changed. Maybe I have a reason, maybe I don't.

Maybe I feel like everything else has changed too.

Maybe I don't know why.

Something's missing from my world.

What if it's because I lost a girl who thought of me as her best friend? What if it's because she and her sister were taken from me in a car wreck? Maybe because I had to deal with losing someone I care about for the first time since I was seven? Oh, and don't forget about the part where the girl who said she was my best friend and that I was "the best sister she could ever ask for" pushed me out of her life to be with her psycho, bipolar, disrespectful, antisocial pain-in-the-ass boyfriend. John keeps saying I need to talk to her, do something about it. But how do you talk to the person who hurt you the most? She said she would never let anybody - especially a guy - come between us. But she did. Even when I made an effort to stay in her life, she showed no interest. It's not my fault, and I can't keep being the bigger person. She made a choice, and she chose him. I don't even know where she's going to college.

Y'know, I'm really not sure what to say at this point. A friend of mine - well, she's becoming my friend, I guess - is asking for some guy advice, and I can't exactly concentrate on helping her and getting all this stuff off my chest at the same time. Maybe another night.

But before I go, let me just say that I do love my boyfriend very much, and I don't take him for granted at all and he is the best part of my life. He thinks I'm not happy with him but that's completely wrong. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be half as happy as I am now. I probably would've fallen apart after Priscilla and Lydia's death had he not been there to get me through it. Especially since Anna has abandoned me. She never even called to see if I was ok - if I was handling it alright. I guess she had Stephen to comfort her so it didn't matter if I was ok. But John was there through everything. And he's here now. And sure, we have our little moments, but everyone does. And I think our stupid little disagreements (if you can even call them that) make us stronger. And hearing Kaylee talk about her guy problems just makes me feel even luckier to have such a wonderful boyfriend and such a strong relationship.

Maybe it's not so bad that things are different. I mean, sure, it'd be nice to go back to the way things were at Christmas or during the spring, but I think John and I have a lot to look forward to in the future. And I promise to stay optimistic about it. I'll do my best to stay positive and enjoy life. I have no reason not to.

Goodnight.