Work hard, play hard, and have best friends.

Man, I'm tired. It feels like I've been living at Bilo lately. I've worked four days in a row - tomorrow will make 5. I'm glad to be getting the extra hours, but it's wearing me out, and I feel like it's taking too much time away from me and John. So I'm hoping that nobody calls in Wednesday so I can have at least one day off this week. Tomorrow, I work 11 to 4, and afterwards, I plan on spending time with John. Possibly Kellie and Joe, too. Tomorrow is Kellie's only day off, and I told her we would try to hang out. John mentioned going to see Christy and Kevin tomorrow night though, so who knows our plans at this point. I'd like to hang out with them again. And go see his grandparents in Pickens. I think I've been a little selfish lately, because I went through that weird phase for a couple weeks, where nothing seemed right, and I just wanted to spend time with John alone. I didn't want to have to deal with other people. But since things are back to normal - well, it seems like things are back to the way they used to be - I feel like going different places and seeing different people.

I'm glad John and I are "back to normal". It seems weird to be saying that - like something horrible went wrong and we fixed it - but I seriously just felt out of it for a few weeks. But now I'm fine. I'm content with the way things are, and I have a really positive outlook on life. And it happened all on its own. Now, the only things I can think about are how happy I am to have such an amazing boyfriend and how glad I am to be able to spend time with him, and how excited I am to start my nursing career. I absolutely cannot wait to start college and get my nursing degree. Especially now that I've decided to go into pediatrics. I can't wait to go to work every day in a pair of scrubs and make little kids better. And here lately, I can't wait to have kids of my own to take care of. But that's a different story. I know that I don't want to start a family until I have a good, steady job. And until my schooling is pretty much over. I don't want to try earning a master's degree while trying to raise a child. I won't put my child through that.

See? I feel so optimistic. It's like I've had some sort of epiphany. And sure, I'm tired after working so much lately, but I know that in the end, when I get my paycheck every Friday, it'll be well worth it. The only thing I have to worry about now is my car. I think the transmission is about to go out. It started shifting really weird earlier today, like the car's fixing to shut off or something. And it did it really bad on my way home from work tonight. I just hope I can get it taken care of. I love my car to death, but God knows I don't want to have to pay thousands of dollars (that I don't even have) to fix it.

I wonder how Anna is. My best friend and I have grown apart. Actually, I don't even know if you can call her my best friend anymore. I haven't heard from her since she told me she was going to Virginia with Stephen and his family. I hope she got back safely. I hope he didn't try to kill her or something. Lord knows he's psycho enough to. I think I'm finally coming to terms with it. I know that I'm not the one who pushed everyone I love aside for my boyfriend. I'm not the one who picked my boyfriend over my best friend. She did. And she should realize that Stephen may not always be there for her. Her true friends and her family will be. But she's pushing them all away. I think I'm ok with it though. I'd like to think that she would still be there for me if I need her, but I also know that I'm surrounded by other friends and a wonderful family. And I really don't think John's going anywhere. Not for a while, anyway. And besides, he has become my best friend. I can tell him pretty much everything. He sees me for who I really am, and he accepts me that way. He doesn't judge me or criticize me for my faults. And he respects me. He also respects my family, and he gets along with my friends. And he knows that family comes first with me, and he's ok with that. There are many times where I've put my family before him, but he's been ok with it. And I love him so much for that. He really is my best friend.

And Kellie - I love her too. She understands me like we're sisters. I can tell her pretty much anything too. And she doesn't tell me that she loves me or that I'm the "best sister she's ever had" like Anna does, but she shows it, even if it's just by going to the mall with me. She leans on me, and she knows she can confide in me. We've become so close over the last ten months. And she's been there for me since Anna started slipping away. I just wish Anna would wake up and see what she's doing to herself. But I guess she'll come around eventually. There's not much I can do right now. But John and I are supposed to be going to Flat Rock, NC with her and her parents for a moonbounce job on July 21st. Let's just hope everything goes smoothly and everybody gets along that day.

Anyway, I'm going to try to get some sleep since I have to wake up and go back to work in less than 12 hours. I think I've decided that tomorrow night, I just want to hang out with John and Kellie and Joe. But that's just my mood right now. I may change my mind tomorrow. Who knows. Maybe Wednesday John and I can go see Christy and Kevin, or his grandparents if Christy and Kevin aren't available.

You know? I'm starting to wish John had his own place. We haven't talked about that in a while, but this is one of those nights where I would love nothing more than to spend the night with him. I'm starting to hate going to bed alone again - which, I guess is a good thing, since it kinda proves that whole 'back to normal' thing. But I guess what I'm saying is, I only hate going to bed alone because he's not here, and it feels like he should be; not because I'm getting used to it and it feels like I'll never see him again. Or whatever it was I said in that other post.

Anyway....yeah, I miss my boyfriend, ok? Sorry, but I don't think I'm out of the inseparable phase. And maybe that's a bad thing, but oh well. Get over it. I guess I'm just happy because I know how lucky I am to have him and because I just feel very, extremely content with my life right now. But this post is seriously long enough so I'm going to bed. I'll try to post again soon though.

Goodnight y'all.