Travel the world, and the seven seas.

The ocean looks angry tonight. It’s black. The waves are slapping against each other, causing white foam to spray everywhere. The moon is casting a leathery shadow on the black water – it almost looks like snakeskin. The swells are huge, and the ship is rocking with each crest. There are seagulls flying overhead, going who knows where. The decks on the ship are rather quiet tonight; the lights create a magical haze around the entire ship, filling the spaces where the crowds are gone in for the night. All I can hear is the rushing sound of the water. Inside, the ship’s nightlife is in full swing. People are leaving the dining rooms and filing into the hallways. It’s so noisy and colorful. Yet when you open the door to come outside onto the third-floor deck, a tornado-like gust of wind hits your entire body, and then you’re in a state of calm. It’s a different world out here on the deck – no people, no music – only you and the night.

Seeing Mother Nature angry like this is almost comforting. Sure, it’s a little scary being out in the middle of the ocean at night watching 10-foot swells hammer the side of the ship you’re vacationing on, and feeling the up-and-down motion of the waves, but at the same time it’s like poetry. It’s beautiful. It’s chaos, unfolding right before your eyes. Mother Nature is upset, and she wants you to feel it too.

In a way, I can relate. I’m upset because my boyfriend isn’t with me. I’m upset because he can’t experience this cruise with me. Granted, I’m not causing everyone around me to be severely nauseated and unable to walk in a straight line, but my moods are rather up and down like the waves. I’m happy, but I’m depressed. The ocean is more comforting to me than anything, yet I’m still uncomfortable because my boyfriend’s arms aren’t wrapped around me. Actually, I guess you could say being in his arms is more comforting to me than anything. But I guess the ocean is the next best thing. I just find it ironic because it’s almost like the ocean is doing the pouting for me.

I’m waking up in San Juan, Puerto Rico tomorrow morning. We’re scheduled to arrive at 7 AM. I’d like to be awake, but I doubt I will be. It’s funny, because I’m on vacation yet I’m resting less than I do when I’m at home and working every day. And at some point, I would like to wake up early and watch the sunrise on the Sky deck, but it’ll probably just make me wish John was here to watch it with me…

Oh, who am I kidding? Everything on this ship makes me wish John was with me. I see all these couples getting their pictures made, and I want it to be me and him. I want nothing more than to hug him right now. It’s so strange – I didn’t realize how much I would miss him physically. And no, not like that physically. I miss his face and his smile and the way he sneezes. I love the way he holds me – how we just fit perfectly together. And if I could have that here – if I could just be with him on this cruise…if he could see what I’m seeing – the angry ocean and the full moon…if he could smell what I smell – the salty water, the greasy leftover food smell drifting down from the top deck…if he could experience this with me. If only he were here.

I really should stop talking about it like that. I sound desperate and needy. But it’s frustrating knowing that the one thing that would make my vacation – my entire summer – complete is the one thing that absolutely cannot happen.

I like Mother Nature. She’s my new best friend.