Independence day.

Ah, what a day. What a day, what a night. What a weekend. What a life.

For the record, I know it's technically already July 5th, but I hope anyone who comes across this blog had a wonderful Fourth of July. I know I sure did. I suppose it all started with straight tequila shots last night. Saturday night, whatever. That ended up with me and John in the back seat of my car. You know the rest. But that was just a precursor for today. Today was awesome. As I think back on it, the whole thing just makes me smile.

The day started out kinda slow, but once John and I got to the party at his cousin's house, things really picked up fast. For one thing, we started drinking as soon as we showed up. Rum, tequila, margaritas, mojitos, a little homemade sangria...there was certainly a buzz going around. John and I were pretty tipsy by late afternoon. But it made for a little fun in the bathroom. Ha. Anyway, we swam and drank and partied hard all afternoon, and then we went downtown for the annual fireworks show. We met up with my parents and sat with them for the fireworks. Surprisingly, it went well. Very well.

After the fireworks, John was supposed to go back to his cousin's house to spend the night, but apparently they forgot about him because we went back and we were completely locked out. So we settled for dinner and a movie at my grandparents' house. We watched When In Rome and I made a DiGiorno pizza. I must say, it wasn't half bad. After the movie, I took John home. My grandpa came with us, to make sure I was "safe" being out so late. I almost wish he hadn't come, but it's okay that he did. John just made me feel all swoozy when I dropped him off. He told me how he wished I could come inside with him. And he kissed me the way I love to be kissed. Then he proceeded to shower me with kisses up and down my neck and tell me that he was "horny as hell", which of course gave me butterflies. But of course I had to leave and go home. It's okay though. It was just one of those moments that makes me smile whenever I think about it.

And that brings me here. Laying on my bed, thinking about what an awesome day I had. The only thing that could've made it better would've been if John and I could've spent the night together. I tried to make that happen earlier at his cousin's house, but my parents didn't go for it. Just another downside of not being 18 yet, I suppose. Oh well. Soon enough, John and I will get to come home to one another and lay in bed and watch movies and cuddle. Much like I wish we could do now. I can't wait to lay down under my soft, cool sheets and drift off to sleep, but it'd be so much better if my baby were here with me.

Come to think of it, everything's better when he's with me. We talked about that on the way home tonight. I said I don't know what I'd do without him, and he said, "The same thing you did before you started dating me." But I told him I couldn't do that. I was so different then. Before he came back into my life, I was just a sad and lonely teenager. I had no life, no self-esteem, nothing. I was just here, and my life wasn't anything special. Now, all that's changed. I'm so different from the person I was two years ago. I have confidence now. I have friends now. My life has so much meaning. And he's the cause of it. I told him that he brings out the best in people, and I think that's really true. He has a gift for that, and I hope he holds onto it forever.

Anyway, I think the day has finally caught up to me, and I'm ready for bed. I just wanted to say that my Fourth of July weekend was amazing, and I couldn't have asked for a better day. In fact, I wish every holiday could be that much fun.

And before I go, know this. If there is someone in your life who brings out the best in you and the people around you, hold onto them. They will change your life.

Goodnight everyone.

It's my life.

This will probably be short. I just need to rant for a second.

Let me just say that I am so sick of being told that I'm too young. I am a seventeen year old girl in my second semester of college. Yeah, I've had to grow up a little. But me being young doesn't mean I don't know what's best for me or how I should live my life.

I'm seventeen years old, and I have a boyfriend who's twenty. We've been dating for a year and almost seven months. He's the best thing I have in my life. He's my best friend, he's my comfort, he's my comedian, he's my lover, he's my partner - he's everything I've ever dreamed of in a guy. I never want to lose him, and there's no one else out there who could ever take his place. I'm sorry, but I don't care if you're Channing Tatum, Brad Pitt, or George Clooney (who's not that good looking anyway), you will never take the place of my man. And even if somebody came and hauled him off to some kind of hostage camp, I'd still never lose him. He and I are forever. He said so himself. If anyone has a problem with that, fuck off.

Aside from that, nobody needs to tell me how I should be handling my relationship. I get so tired of hearing, "You're too young to be so serious with one person," or "Why don't you see what else is out there?" Maybe I don't want to see what else is out there. Maybe I want to be serious with one person. My ex texted me tonight, and of course, my mom was sitting right there. She was being nosy - "Who is it?" - and then she started the whole, "Does he want to hang out with you or something? Maybe you should hang out with him," thing. No, Mom. I have no desire to hang out with that dumbass. Why would I want to hang out with someone that I don't even like anymore, someone who dips, someone who I can't have a real conversation with - WHEN I HAVE A BOYFRIEND? She thinks I'm too young to be in a serious relationship. Look who's fucking talking. She started dating my dad when she was seventeen. She said they dated "on and off" for a long time, but she ended up marrying the guy. I don't want her advice on serious relationships.

Now, I had two different guys text me tonight, asking me to hang out and saying they miss me and all this other crap. And big surprise? I don't give a shit. I'm flattered that other dudes like me and want to be with me or whatever, but I really DON'T CARE. Nothing they can say or any promises they make me will ever compare to what John can offer me. No other guy will ever make me feel so great about myself. No other guy will ever be able to make me laugh the way John does. And no guy will ever, EVER be so good in bed. I don't care who reads this. I'm not ashamed to say that we're sexually active. Honestly, it's phenomenal. He's so amazing in bed, words cannot describe it. And he makes me feel beautiful. I don't believe there's another person out there who can make me feel the way he does.

So please, Mom. Or anybody else. Maybe I am just young and stupid. Maybe I shouldn't settle down. Maybe I shouldn't have such a serious relationship right now. But you've been there too. You know what it's like to love somebody. You know what it's like to feel so strongly for someone. You know what it's like to know that everyone else thinks you're wrong. I'm living my life the way I want to, and I'm doing what makes me happy. I don't care how you feel about it. It's my life. My choices. My relationship. And unless John plans to leave me anytime soon, nothing's going to change. I'm still going to be in love with him six months down the road. I'm going to love that boy for the rest of my life. He may feel differently, I really don't know. But no matter what, the way I feel is not going to change, no matter who tries to talk me out of it.

Wow, this was longer than I thought it would be.

Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nice hot shower and relax so I can talk to my boyfriend when he gets home from work. Have a wonderful evening.

Goodnight.

We've got a lot of time, and it sure feels right.

Wow, I haven't posted a blog in forever. Sorry to anyone who actually reads these.

For the record, a lot has changed in the few months since I've written. Actually, I take that back. Only a few things have changed. For one, I'm not a virgin anymore. And I don't regret it one bit. I'm actually proud of it. I gave myself to the guy I want to be with for the rest of my life. Regret was definitely not something I felt. If anything, John and I are a million times closer than we used to be. I feel like we're connected on such a new level. Every day, I feel more and more in love with him. Cheesy, I know. But I can't help how I feel about him.

Other than that, not much has changed at all, really. The only other thing that's changed is the fact that our luck has gotten a little bit worse than it used to be. Mine and John's luck, I mean. A few weeks ago, he accidentally hit my dad's truck with his car - in my driveway. It dented the bumper, but we got it fixed almost immediately. And now my dad practically loves John because we managed to get a brand new bumper for the truck. So everything's okay...right now. But our bad luck has seemed to show up elsewhere - like missing school assignments, work problems, that kind of thing. But we're used to it by now. Just another day in the life for us.

Oh, and another thing. I'm sure nobody I know actually reads this, so it won't matter who sees it, but a couple months ago, John came out to me as a bisexual. At first, I thought he was only joking, but then I realized he was being very serious. It bothered me in the beginning, only because I didn't understand it and I didn't know how it would change our relationship, but now it's something I love about him. It's just one more thing that makes him the unique person he is. We even make jokes about it. And in reality, I think him sharing that with me made us closer as well, since for a long time, I was the only one who knew. It was his "special secret". Now his best friend Halley knows and so does her girlfriend, but I'm cool with that. Halley's awesome. So is Katie. In fact, they're so awesome that they get to live together. I'm a little jealous.

I want to live with John more than anything. Every night when I come home and get ready for bed, it feels like he should be crawling into bed with me. And every time I'm at his house, in his room, I feel that way too. Especially today. We went upstairs and took a nap in his room. It was so...comforting. Of course, I nearly broke my back in the process of getting onto the bed, but that was an accident. In fact, it makes me laugh now because only I would fall like I did. Anyway, John and I took a nap together - and when I say 'nap', I mean sleeping, not anything else - and when he woke up to get ready for work, I stayed in his bed, and it felt like I was just staying at home so I'd be waiting for him when he got back. I wish it could be like that. But I'm praying that one day it will be. One day soon.

I'll be glad when we're out of school and ready to live together and have the cars we want and the life we've been dreaming of. We deserve it. Especially him. I just can't wait for it to happen.

Oh, and remember last summer, when I didn't get to go to Daytona with him and his family? Well, I think I might actually get to go this year. My mom keeps talking like I'm going. I just have to talk to my dad about it. Wish me luck!

And on the subject of summer, I can't wait for it to get here. I can't wait to go to Greenville Pickens every Saturday night, and go to the lake and go to Clemson and Mellow Mushroom. It's going to be great this year, I think. John's actually looking forward to it a little, and that makes me happy. It makes me feel a little more optimistic about our relationship. I'm sure we're going to have a blast this summer. I can already smell the racing fuel and the burning rubber. I can already feel the warm sun and the cool lake water. I can already taste the pizza. Besides, I want to make this summer as fun as possible because it's probably going to be a very long summer for me. Why? Because I turn 18 this fall. So all summer long I'll just be counting down the days until my birthday. But while I'm waiting, I want to have fun.

Anyway, I'm going to go. I just thought I'd write this while I felt like it. Just wanted to say how wonderful life is right now and how happy I am to be here, even when things go horribly wrong. But I'm going to go now so I can finish studying for my microbiology quiz. Maybe I'll start posting on a more regular basis in the future. But who knows. :)

Goodnight, y'all.

Doctors, cats and bad checks.

I'm in my anatomy class right now. We're going over notes on the nervous system. We had a test on muscles this morning, and I think I did pretty well on it...which surprises me, because it seems like nothing else has gone well in the last month.

The day I turned seventeen was a wonderful day. I guess that should've been a warning sign. Ever since my birthday, things have just gone downhill. Or at least, it feels that way. In the week after my birthday, John and I went from one end of the spectrum to another - church volunteering to porn. It was bad. Both things were issues for me, and of course confronting your boyfriend about things that you don't like is never easy. It's never what he wants to hear. So telling him that I'm uncomfortable with religion and then not even a week later having to tell him that I don't like the idea of him watching porn? Yeah, not so easy. Of course, things got better almost immediately, but then I started having other problems. I'm not going to go into detail, but I ended up having to see a doctor. And I'm having to wait until I hear from Dr. Keller again before I can resume "normal activity". Needless to say, it's causing a lot of frustration - namely between me and John.

Well, before I started having a medical issue, I thought things might be getting better, but then my dad started ruining everything. John was supposed to come over for lunch one day and have spaghetti and give me a massage, but my dad said he was coming home for lunch, and that completely killed the mood. Turns out my dad never came by, so he ruined our moods for nothing. Then, a couple days later, on a Tuesday night, John and I went over to his old teacher's house for tutoring in math. It was just a regular night, and everything was fine, until my mom texted me and told me she needed to talk to me when I got home. She wouldn't tell me what it was about, so I got worried. Well, when I got home, I found out my cat had died. My sweet little innocent kitty, PJ, was gone. He'd been hit by a car while I was gone. I cried and cried and cried. Well, the next day, I was supposed to have Kellie over for dinner. My mom was going to cook lasagna for us and we were going to plan her bridal shower. But my dad didn't want me having company over since he was so upset about PJ. He wouldn't even let my own best friend come over for dinner. So I had to go out to eat with Kellie and Joe and her mom. I mean, it wasn't bad. We still had fun, but I was disappointed that things didn't go as planned.

Oh, and then there was work. Somewhere in the middle of all that, I almost lost my job as a bookkeeper at Bilo. I cashed four bad checks within ten minutes of each other. The manager, Nick, got an email saying not to accept the checks, but it was too late. Nick thought the checks were fake, so he called the store manager, Shane, and told him I was responsible for cashing four fake checks. So Shane said he wanted me out of the cash office and back to being a cashier immediately. I also got written up. Well, Nick (a manager, no less) cashed two himself. And it turns out the checks weren't fake. But the accounts that the checks were written from had no money, so the checks bounced. So basically, I didn't do anything wrong. I just got in a shitload of trouble for it.

So overall, it's been one hell of a month. And now it's November, but it doesn't feel like things are improving...yet. Right now, my main concern is waiting to hear from Dr. Keller and making sure everything's okay with my health. I'm sure nothing's really wrong, but I can't help but be a little paranoid.

I think I just need a vacation. I keep imagining going on a cruise or going to Daytona with John, and it sounds so lovely. I just need a break from everything. I don't feel like myself right now - physically or mentally. I want to relax. I'd like to spend a day doing nothing but watching movies and being lazy. Or go to a spa and get a long massage. Or take a long, hot bath. Or all of the above. Take a hot bath, then watch movies and be lazy? Eh, something like that. I just want my universe back in order.

But on the plus side, John got me tickets to the midnight premiere of New Moon. He's so amazing. Even after all the shit we've been through in the last month - hell, the last year - he still finds ways to be the perfect boyfriend. A lot has changed (including me), but he seems to be a constant in my life. We've gotten closer somehow, and I think it's safe to say our relationship is on a new level. It's kind of scary for me, but I'm loving every minute of it. And apparently he is too. So I'm not complaining.

Anyway, class is almost over so I need to go (by the way, I'm in math now, not anatomy). I'll do my best to keep my blog updated from here on out, so hopefully I'll be posting again soon.

Thanks for listening.

17

Wow. So this is what being 17 feels like?

Today was my birthday. Well, technically yesterday, since it's past midnight. But oh well. It's still my birthday because I haven't gone to bed yet. And my birthday was absolutely amazing. I rode with John to school, got out early, and went to Kellie's house after school. We spent pretty much the whole afternoon trying to find a way for her to get off work so she could come to my birthday dinner at Olive Garden. It seemed pretty hopeless until she finally decided to just call in instead of trying to get somebody to switch with her. So she got to come after all. Granted, she and Joe were late getting to the restaurant, but at least they made it. Ask anybody that was there - I was so worried about them not coming.

Anna was there tonight. It didn't feel right though. She wrote me this long note that she put inside my birthday card about how we've "been through so much together" and how we've "had good times and bad times" and how I'm "the best friend she could ever ask for" and how I'm "just like a sister to her", but it didn't feel right. She wasn't herself. Well, who am I kidding - she hasn't been herself since she started dating that psychotic asshole she calls her boyfriend. She used to be my best friend. I could tell her anything. But not anymore. Kellie is my best friend now. And my friendship with her is different than the friendship I had with Anna. Somehow, Kellie and I are closer than Anna and I could've ever been. Kellie and I are so much alike, too. I think it's perfect that she and I are friends.

And John - wow. Where on this earth would I be without him? He was with me all day today - not much different from any other day, I know. But he made my birthday extra special. When I was opening my gifts tonight, I decided to open his last, and I'm glad I did. He got me a teddy bear from Build-A-Bear. It's a doctor bear, and his name is Tommy. It's the most adorable teddy bear ever. He has a scrubs outfit (complete with a surgical hat and face mask), and he's holding an x-ray with a heart on it. And the best part - press the button in his paw and it's a recorded message from John that says, "I love you, baby. Happy birthday." When I opened the package and saw the bear, I got a lump in my throat. But when I heard the message it played, I almost burst into tears. That was the sweetest thing he could've done for me. I felt silly for getting excited over a teddy bear on my 17th birthday, but it was too perfect. He really surprised me with it. It was awesome. He makes me so happy, and I'm just absolutely blessed to have him as my boyfriend.

My parents got me a new Vera Bradley purse and matching wallet, a Dexter shirt (which is awesome), and a couple gift cards (Hot Topic and Starbucks). I got a cake, money, a laptop tray, a sheet set, more cake, and like a thousand birthday wishes on Facebook. Oh, and text messages. Between Facebook and all my text messages, I had 40 people wish me a happy birthday.

Oh! And after dinner tonight, Kellie and Joe went with me and John to my Bilo. Randy, Terrance, and Alisha gave me a birthday hug, and everybody else wished me a happy birthday. We stayed in my Bilo for a little bit, and then we went to Walmart. That was fun. We were there a long time. And after that, we went across the road to Waffle House for a drink - and a waffle, actually - and the waiter guy gave me a Waffle House hat and had the whole staff sing "Happy Birthday" to me. It was great.

So, all in all, this has been the best birthday I've had so far. Even turning "sweet sixteen" wasn't this good. I just feel so lucky to be surrounded by all my favorite people. And to know that all my friends took the time to even wish me a happy birthday - that's such a wonderful feeling. I feel loved. I can only hope that this is a sign of things to come in the next year. I can't imagine being any happier than I am right now. All thanks to my amazing family and friends - and boyfriend. (Yes, he's in a category all by himself haha).

Anyway, I'm going to call it a night now. I'm definitely sleeping in tomorrow and eating a light lunch. John and I are going out tomorrow night. He's taking me on a "date" for my birthday - just me and him this time. It should be fun. We're going downtown for Fall For Greenville, then he's taking me to Red Lobster for dinner. I'm excited. It should be fun. But until then, I'm going to get some much-needed rest. It's been a long, wonderful, exciting day, and I'm tired.

But here's to being 17. I can only hope that the next 364 days are as wonderful and perfect as this one was.

Goodnight.

I lost my mojo.

Wow, today was great. School went by so fast today - and it wasn't miserable. Sure, I made a bad grade on my anatomy test, but I'm not letting it get to me. This morning after anatomy I went to Waffle House with John. It was so cozy in there - well, at first. After a while it got cold like always haha. But it was so nice to be sitting there having a conversation with him. We talked about Christmas and stuff. It felt right at the time. And now I'm just looking forward to the holidays even more. Anyway, after Waffle House, we went to WalMart and back to school for math. And believe it or not, it wasn't completely unbearable today. Then again, I was doing my medical terminology homework the whole time.

After school, I took John home. I think it was probably one of the best times we've been together. One of. I won't go into all the details, but I felt really close to him today. And it was very unexpected. He's been damn near perfect lately. No, he has been perfect lately, and for the life of me I can't figure out why. I certainly don't deserve it. But he's been saying all the right things and doing the right things and making me feel so special. Maybe it's just the fall weather, I dunno. But I'm not complaining. Certainly not after today. Or tonight.

After I left his house, I went home to do some laundry. Then around 5:30 I went back to John's house to pick him up so we could go to his little cousin's 12th birthday party at Outback. It was really fun. I definitely enjoyed being around that part of John's family. His aunt and uncle - Roxanne and Jeff - are pretty cool. They're my favorite members of his family, other than his grandparents. And Daniel - he's the coolest younger cousin ever. Daniel's other grandpa was really nice too. Anyway, the dinner was fun, and I'm glad I went.

We ended the night by going to Southern Weslyan with Kellie and Joe to watch The Bucket List. We missed the first part of the movie (thanks to Kellie spilling hot chocolate on herself haha), but it was still fun. And then we went to Walmart afterwards and goofed off for a few minutes. It was nice spending time with them though. I always have a good time with the two of them.

Anyway, I know I had a lot more to say, but I think I'm just going to stop writing and go to bed. John's already gone to bed - he didn't wait for me to finish typing this - and now I've lost my blog-posting mojo. I know was going to say something about how wonderful he is and how he was so sweet tonight and blah blah blah, but I'm not feelin' it right now. Seriously. Sorry. Oh well. Maybe next time.

Goodnight.

Kiss me in the rain.

Man, what is it with me and this whole 'being comfortable' lately?

John came to see me at Bilo when he got off work tonight. I got off a few minutes early, so we went to Walmart. It was fun. When we were walking out of Bilo, it was pouring down rain, so we ran to our cars, and I threw my stuff inside the car so we could "kiss in the rain". Yeah, that was romantic for all of ten seconds. Haha. It was raining so hard we had to get in the car - even though we were already soaking wet. But once we got in the car, we decided to head on over to Walmart. There, we tried on "redneck stuff" - camouflage jackets, camouflage hats...you know, redneck stuff. And let me tell you something - my boyfriend is hella sexy in camo. Seriously. Anyway, we left Walmart and went back to Bilo to get my car. When we got back, I was fixing to get out, and John kissed me. It was one of those kisses that makes you forget where you are, or what's even going on around you. It was just perfect.

Anyway, after I got out, I got in my car and for once, I had no idea what music to listen to on the way home. I know I keep bringing up this whole 'comfort' stuff, but seriously - that's what it is. I'm suddenly just so content with my life and the people in it and the situations I find myself in. It's almost scary. And when John was texting me last night about why he doesn't want me to get a tattoo, he said because he "loves me now more than ever". Well, somehow, that's true for me too. I don't know what happened, but I've been coming to the realization that I love him now more than ever too. In fact, I didn't know it was humanly possible to love someone this much.

Wow. That sounded so cheesy. My bad.

But it's true. Every day, I just want to see him and give him a huge hug and tell him that I love him more than anything. I don't take him for granted. And every night when he's bringing me home or whenever we're leaving each other and I end up kissing him a thousand times before I actually leave? It's because I like his kisses. It's because I know that if something ever happened to him - if he were ever taken away from me - I would miss the way his breath smells or that dazed look he always gets on his face. Things like that are important to me. But maybe that's just me being a silly teenage girl. Who knows.

What I do know is that I'm pretty damn lucky to have a boyfriend like him. He says all the right things and does all the right things. He makes me feel perfect. I'm finally perfect for somebody. And that feels right. That feels comfortable to me.

The longest night.

Well, tonight was rather interesting for me. After John left for work, I talked to Kellie and we decided to go look at wedding dresses at David's Bridal. (Yeah, the wedding is December 19th, and I might get to be her maid of honor). Anyway, around 7, she and Joe came to my house and we left for the bridal store. Well, John texted me when we were leaving, saying something about a customer that I used to know coming into Bilo. I figured he was on break, so I texted him, but I never heard anything back. So Kellie, Joe and I left. We got to Powdersville, and I didn't see John's car in the Bilo parking lot. I figured he'd gone to McDonald's, but then when I got to the intersection of 153 and Anderson Road, I saw him standing outside some truck. I had no idea what he was doing, but when the traffic light turned green and I pulled forward, I realized John's car was sitting there. I panicked. I turned around and went back to the intersection as fast as I could. It's funny, because I knew he was alright - he was standing up for crying out loud. But it's like I had some instinct inside me that just had to be sure he was okay. He'd been in a minor car wreck. Well, it wasn't even really a wreck - more like a...bent-hood-and-scratch-on-the-bumper incident. But it was embarrassing for him. And I think it ended up messing up his radiator, but he should be able to get it fixed.

Anyway, after I waited for him to get cleared from the incident, I took Kellie and Joe to David's Bridal. Kellie found a really pretty - simple, but pretty - wedding dress that she's probably going too get when she goes back on Wednesday. I'm so happy for her. I know she's excited, and I am too. Anyway, after we dress-shopped, we went to Don Pablos for dinner. That was nice. We just talked and goofed off the whole time. All I really thought about was John though. For some reason, I still felt overprotective of him. And I think that's why we ended up going back by Bilo on the way home and waiting for him to get off work.

We were all going to go to Wal-Mart tonight when John got off work, but his car was acting funny (to say the least), so we ended up missing Kellie and Joe. It's okay though. There's always Wednesday.

I just keep thinking that somehow, even though tonight was horrible for John, and even though nothing really went according to anybody's plan, it was perfect. It's like my universe is completely in order because of tonight. I'm somehow content with life at this exact moment. And I also realized tonight how important the people in my life really are. When I was eating dinner with Kellie and Joe, sure, I couldn't help but wish my boyfriend was there too, but I didn't totally feel like a third wheel. I just felt like my other half was missing. But while we were at the restaurant, I just thought to myself how I'm so lucky to have them as my friends - especially Kellie - and how fun they are and how well we all get along. And when I saw John and realized he'd been in an accident - even though it wasn't that serious - all I did was panic. And I realized in the few seconds it took for me to turn around and go back to the intersection that I'd fall all to pieces if something ever happened to him. I just kept thinking how quickly I could lose him - how when you least expect it, the very worst can happen. But he's okay. And saying I'm relieved would be an understatement.

I don't know. I guess I'm just in one of those reflecting moods right now. I feel like I've witnessed somebody's dream unfold before my eyes. But I also feel like I've gained some kind of insight into the people around me and the relationships I have with them. I know that I don't take the people in my life for granted. It's just funny how even the smallest things like chips and salsa or a scratched hood can make you realize things like that.

Anyway, that was my reflection for the night. And now I'm going to bed.

Goodnight.

The best kind of rain.

Man, today has been the perfect day. I woke up this morning to John’s text message, and I was so unbelievably comfortable. I didn’t want to move. John came over shortly after I woke up to eat before he went to work. It was great. We watched Dora the Explorer haha. Then we brought PJ, my cat, into the house to chill with us after we ate. He’s so cute. He ran all over the house, and then he went in my bedroom. So John and I went in there and PJ was on my bed, so we lay down with him for like half an hour. It was so cute. And John mentioned that it felt like we were living together. He was right. All morning, it felt like we had our own place, and PJ made up our little family. It was so comfortable. And on top of that, it was raining this morning. Well, it’s been raining all day, but that just made it extra cozy this morning. It was just perfect. And after John left for work, I kept PJ in the house, and he ended up falling asleep with me on the couch. It was so cute, I just had to take a picture.

I’ve just been really comfortable all day. And I had lunch with my mom today. That was nice. Now I’m just hanging out at her office until I have to go to work. I’m a little sleepy, but I think it’s just that whole being comfortable thing. And the rain. The rain definitely has something to do with it.

I talked to Kellie last night and this morning. She and Joe are getting a place together. And their wedding date is set for December 19^th. I can’t wait. John and I are both going to be in the wedding, too. Kellie said she’d make sure we walk in together. It’s going to be awesome. I’m so happy for her. I also envy her a little bit. I mean, I certainly don’t want to get married any time soon, but a part of me wishes John and I could have a place together. Or that he could have his own apartment. I’m so tired of his parents treating him like shit, and I want him to have a better life. I want him to be able to get away from them. And I hope that by the time he turns 21, he’ll have enough money saved up so that he can move out. And I can help him. I will help him. I want so much better for him. His parents wouldn’t even let him make his own dinner last night. At 10:00 last night, they told him it was too late to cook macaroni. But he was hungry. They told him to make a sandwich. How fucking mean. How do you tell your own son that he can’t make his own dinner in his own house? When he told me that, it just flew all over me. I felt bad that I’d been talking to my mom and that I hadn’t gotten his text messages until like half an hour after he sent them. But that’s not the point. Point is – his parents have no reason to treat him like that. And his dad said John needs to treat his mom better and blah blah blah, but they need to learn to treat him better. They need to act like parents. I get home from work at 11:30 at night all the time, and my mom tells me if I’m hungry and want to fix something to eat, I can, as long as I clean up my dishes. So John’s parents are just giving him crap.

Sorry, I guess I could go on and on about them. They just make me so mad. And John deserves better. He tells me that he’s sorry for “burdening me with his problems”, but that’s not what he’s doing. He has every right to complain.

Anyway, I guess I’m gonna go. I have to get ready for work soon. Maybe I’ll post again tonight, but who knows.

Working things out.

Well, my dad's certainly not in a good mood right now. He's probably mad because he probably thinks I lied about where I was this afternoon. But I really did go get gas. I have the receipt to prove it. So technically I'm innocent....as far as they know.

But is it really such a criminal thing that I spent the afternoon at my boyfriend's house? Something good actually came out of it. Well, not really a "thing", per se, but we had a good talk. So I'm glad I stayed. I was just having one of my 'moments' this afternoon, and John puts up with those pretty well. And I confronted him about the whole internet thing - being online 24/7. We're ok. I'm just trying to get into the habit of putting my feelings out in the open. John always gets mad when I don't tell him something's wrong, so I'm trying my best to be open about the things that come to my mind.

I told him today that I'm needy. He knows that. But it's not so much that I'm needy. I just prefer his attention. And I'm not sure why I'm like that. I just am. I don't need to be with him constantly, or talking to him constantly, but I like knowing that he's there for me, and I enjoy being with him. He's a constant in my life. I do well with those. I guess I just appreciate him too much or...something. I don't know where I'm going with that, really.

Ok, I'm really sleepy all of a sudden, but I don't want to fall asleep cause my dad's like right beside the couch on the desktop computer, and it's kind of awkward right now because he's totally not talking to me. He's unresponsive to everything I say. Oh well. I'm just gonna say it's because of work. It shouldn't be because of me. I wish he would go fishing or something.

I'd like to go out to lunch with my mom this week. Either tomorrow or Friday. Probably Friday, since John and I will probably hang out tomorrow after school. But if I decide to do something with my mom tomorrow instead, I know he'll understand. I just hope my mom's not all mad too. That receipt from the gas station is my alibi, man. And I guess I won't get to meet John on break tonight. I just don't want to hear her nag about how I "spend all my time with him" and blah blah blah. She makes me feel so horrible about it. Or, well, she tries to. But the stupid thing is - whenever I try to actually do stuff with her and spend time with her, she puts it off or gives me some lame-ass excuse. It's annoying. But at least I try, right?

So I was watching Dexter today, and it was the last episode of Season 3. Dexter and Rita were getting married. That made me think about my wedding day. I wonder what it's going to be like. John and I have talked about it countless times, but we have so many ideas, it's hard to picture how it'll really be. I like the dress Rita wears though. It's simple but it's beautiful. And you know what else Dexter makes me think about? Having kids. I know it's just a tv show, but watching Rita go through the pregnancy makes me wish I was ready to have kids of my own. I mean, I know I'm nowhere near ready for something like that, but I just keep having these scenarios pop into my head of being a mom. Random, I know.

Anyway, my mom's home now. I guess I'm going to go. Maybe I'll post again later tonight, but I'm going to try to study for my medical terminology quiz and possibly read a little psychology.

That's all for now, though.