Working things out.

Well, my dad's certainly not in a good mood right now. He's probably mad because he probably thinks I lied about where I was this afternoon. But I really did go get gas. I have the receipt to prove it. So technically I'm innocent....as far as they know.

But is it really such a criminal thing that I spent the afternoon at my boyfriend's house? Something good actually came out of it. Well, not really a "thing", per se, but we had a good talk. So I'm glad I stayed. I was just having one of my 'moments' this afternoon, and John puts up with those pretty well. And I confronted him about the whole internet thing - being online 24/7. We're ok. I'm just trying to get into the habit of putting my feelings out in the open. John always gets mad when I don't tell him something's wrong, so I'm trying my best to be open about the things that come to my mind.

I told him today that I'm needy. He knows that. But it's not so much that I'm needy. I just prefer his attention. And I'm not sure why I'm like that. I just am. I don't need to be with him constantly, or talking to him constantly, but I like knowing that he's there for me, and I enjoy being with him. He's a constant in my life. I do well with those. I guess I just appreciate him too much or...something. I don't know where I'm going with that, really.

Ok, I'm really sleepy all of a sudden, but I don't want to fall asleep cause my dad's like right beside the couch on the desktop computer, and it's kind of awkward right now because he's totally not talking to me. He's unresponsive to everything I say. Oh well. I'm just gonna say it's because of work. It shouldn't be because of me. I wish he would go fishing or something.

I'd like to go out to lunch with my mom this week. Either tomorrow or Friday. Probably Friday, since John and I will probably hang out tomorrow after school. But if I decide to do something with my mom tomorrow instead, I know he'll understand. I just hope my mom's not all mad too. That receipt from the gas station is my alibi, man. And I guess I won't get to meet John on break tonight. I just don't want to hear her nag about how I "spend all my time with him" and blah blah blah. She makes me feel so horrible about it. Or, well, she tries to. But the stupid thing is - whenever I try to actually do stuff with her and spend time with her, she puts it off or gives me some lame-ass excuse. It's annoying. But at least I try, right?

So I was watching Dexter today, and it was the last episode of Season 3. Dexter and Rita were getting married. That made me think about my wedding day. I wonder what it's going to be like. John and I have talked about it countless times, but we have so many ideas, it's hard to picture how it'll really be. I like the dress Rita wears though. It's simple but it's beautiful. And you know what else Dexter makes me think about? Having kids. I know it's just a tv show, but watching Rita go through the pregnancy makes me wish I was ready to have kids of my own. I mean, I know I'm nowhere near ready for something like that, but I just keep having these scenarios pop into my head of being a mom. Random, I know.

Anyway, my mom's home now. I guess I'm going to go. Maybe I'll post again later tonight, but I'm going to try to study for my medical terminology quiz and possibly read a little psychology.

That's all for now, though.