Realist.

Man, everything's just so blah. I'll be so glad when March is over. Everybody seems like they're in a bad mood, or that they just don't care. Well, I don't care either but I'm not in a bad mood!

I wish I could've stayed over at Naia's with John. But John's in the mood to take a nap now anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter. He seemed a little blah today. I guess I'm going to have to make sure that he avoids caffeine so he'll sleep at night and not be so tired during the day. I hate it when he's like that.

Omg. My mom just asked me what I wanted for dinner, like she had no clue. Hello! The whole reason I'm even home right now is because she said she would make me macaroni for dinner - the good kind. And now she acts like we never even talked about it.

I hate that I'm home right now. It's almost like I don't exist to my parents anymore. But I guess not. I'm just a bad daughter because I lied to them and I snuck around to see my boyfriend because they act like they hate him and they get mad whenever I want to spend time with him. And they act like they didn't yell at me two nights ago, but that just annoys me. And then my mom made it sound like she's not going to let me hang out with John tomorrow night. But I guess that doesn't matter. I don't get off work until 9, and he'll be tired, I'm sure. And he probably has to open Saturday. Oh well.

I'm supposed to get my car back tomorrow. If I don't, I'll be extremely mad. It's been exactly a month today since I had my wreck. I think a month without my car is long enough. Besides, driving my grandma's car is driving me insane. I can't listen to music, nothing's in the right place - it just sucks. My car is so much better. It's me. I just can't wait to get it back.

I bet my work schedule's going to suck next week, just because I need to get my service hours in for NHS. Marie will probably have me closing every night next week, because she'll probably think next week is a B-week. Oh well. My paycheck should be decent this week. Not that I can spend it, but whatever.

I need to call Anna. She wanted me to call her about Saturday night. It's opening night at Greenville Pickens. Thank God. I'm so ready for racing season. That means summer's just around the corner. Oh, wait. It doesn't matter. Summer doesn't count this year. Anyway, Anna said something about there being a problem about Saturday night. But if I call her now, it'll make my parents think I don't wanna be here with them...which, to a small degree, is the truth.

Sometimes I wonder how I functioned last year.

Y'know what I love? During the summer, when there's a thunderstorm - I love seeing the sky get really dark and scary-looking in the distance, and seeing huge streaks of lightning. That's just like the coolest thing.

I guess I'm going to go sit outside with my mom until supper's ready. I'll have to make time to write that stupid English essay later. I already have everything I need. I just need to type it all into a two-page essay. So basically, I have to shorten the 1,081-word essay that I helped John with into two pages.

Did I ever mention how glad I'll be when March is over? I mean, really. Won't everything be better once April rolls around? God, I hope so, what with spring break n' everything. Oh, except for the part where I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out. That's gonna suck. But oh well. Things should improve anyway, 'cause all the hard parts of school will be over. All I'll have to do is English and my journals for Teacher Cadets. And maybe May will be a good month. John's last day of school is like May 4th or something, and then there's prom to look forward to. But everybody knows prom's not that big of a deal. I'm just excited because I didn't go last year, or the year before that. But I guess that's silly of me. It's just my senior prom.

So what's going to happen after June 6th? What am I going to do? Right now I feel like I'm going to be completely empty. Alone. Like I'll just be there, existing and nothing else.

Did I just hear thunder?

Ugh. The water's boiling. I have to go.