Epiphany.

Today turned out to be a relatively good day. My interview with Jim at Bilo seemed very promising. I go back Thursday for a pre-hiring test. Hopefully it all goes well and I'll get the job.

After my interview, I actually got to waste some time by myself - yeah, rare, I know. I went to Earshot for a little bit, and after I got bored with that, I drove over to my mom's office to say hey to her and her co-workers. They all seemed pretty happy to see me haha. I got to stick around for about 30 minutes, and then I went over to the Life Center to meet up with John. We went to lunch at Wendy's, and then we went back to the Life Center to take lunch to his cousin Christy. After that, we drove downtown. We stopped in the Apple store (iPlace) for a few minutes, then we decided to talk a little walk around the park. Gee, that was cold. Then we wound up in the Michelin store talking about how cool it would be to live in our own place. My mom kinda' killed the mood though, when she called and told me to go to my grandma's house and feed the dog for her since Grandma was sick. I mean, don't get me wrong - I love my grandma to death and I didn't mind helping her out one bit. It was just the timing, I guess. So that put sort of a damper on my mood for a little bit. And, by the time I got home, I was really sleepy all of a sudden.

My mood definitely got better when my mom said I could go out with John tonight. But it still irritated me that she had that tone in her voice - you know, that motherly tone that's so condescending you just wanna' scream? Yeah, that tone. Anyway, John came and picked me up, and we went over to Pam's house. I hope he didn't think I was in a bad mood or anything when he picked me up. I mean, I was really glad to be spending time with him, but I really was still sleepy. But since the drive up to Pam's house is a good 20 minutes or so, I tried to take a brief little nap on the way. I don't think I actually fell asleep though. I mean, I remember turning and going through certain intersections, but I felt like I was dreaming. And after we turned onto Old White Horse Road, I remember feeling John's hand on mine, but after a few minutes, it's like his touch disappeared even though I know it was still there. And I know that after a few minutes, I couldn't hear "Cathedrals" playing in the background anymore. So maybe I really was asleep...

Anyway, Pam is awesome. Really awesome. I feel like I've known her forever or something, and we just met tonight. She's just so...out there. I mean, she's been through a lot - especially with Troy - but she's so laid-back about it. She makes it all seem like it's no big deal. I wish I could be like that. And she's so nice, too. I wish I could have an aunt like her. She's just so cool. And I felt really at home around her.

You know, now that I think about it, I feel at home around pretty much all of John's family. Well, there is an exception. But still, it's like I'm so comfortable around everybody. Especially Pam, even though she's not technically his 'family'. But I still don't know if it's John, or everybody else. I can't tell if it's because he's with me, or because I just seem to get along with everyone I meet.

Regardless, I think I've found some sort of new comfort zone. It's actually a little scary. I've never been able to be so relaxed around somebody before - even my own family sometimes. But I feel like I've finally found somebody who it's okay to be myself around. And by the end of last year (meaning school), I'd made it a habit of keeping everything to myself. I stopped opening up to people, simply because it had begun to feel like nobody cared anymore. But now, I feel so comfortable opening up to people. It's like I have a reason to let the world in.

Man, it's like I'm just one big epiphany tonight. I think it's the M&Ms. Wait, I had the 'comfort zone' epiphany before the M&Ms. Haha, oh well. Who cares, right? Nevertheless, I'm finally starting to figure out my life. I'm starting to make sense of it all. Granted, there are still a few kinks I have to work out, but that's personal stuff. As far as the big picture goes, I think everything's going to be ok.

Anyway, I'm going to go enjoy the rest of my M&Ms and talk to John on AIM.

Goodnight.