The high you can't sustain.

Why can't anything ever go right?

Today was great. I got out of school at 9:50, and after I came home and did some laundry, I took a short nap. When I woke up, it was almost time for John to get out of school. He called me when he got out, and I fixed our lunch. We had macaroni, just like always, and it was ready by the time he got to my house. After we ate, we spent some time on his laptop looking at real estate. He wants to get his own place, and we were just getting some ideas. We stayed at home til about 2:30, and then it was time for me to go to Bi-Lo for my hiring test. That went extremely well. I got 100 percent on all the tests, except for the produce ID test on vegetables - I only missed one on that test. Anyway, Jim (the manager) said to call him Monday, and that he'd like for me to come in Wednesday to fill out some paperwork and stuff. I think I'm actually getting the job.

Well, after I left Bi-Lo, I ended up stopping by the other Bi-Lo (in Powdersville, where John works) on the way home. I was craving some M&Ms, and he was a cashier tonight, so I had two good, legit excuses to stop by. I just love watching him when he's a cashier. He looks so focused, and then whenever he sees me standing in line, he smiles and it's just so attractive. And plus I'm the only customer he can really flirt with haha. Anyway, I told him to call me when he got off because I was going to ask my mom if we could hang out for a little bit tonight.

Well, when I got home, I tried to convince my parents that we should go out to eat and have family time, thinking that would make them happy and make them reconsider letting me hang out with John. Nope. Didn't happen that way. My dad wasn't even hungry because he ate lunch late today, so my mom and I ended up going to Golden Corral. And as we were leaving, John called and said he was already off work. Well, I asked my mom if I could go over to Naia's after dinner. She said no. I asked her why, even though I knew she would throw out the usual excuse - that it's a school night and I have "all-day" school tomorrow. Yeah, she gave me that one. But I didn't just let it go. I'm tired of hearing that excuse. So I told her that I don't have any homework (which is the truth), and I even told her that I would be home by 9, since I knew it wouldn't take that long to eat. She still said no. She said that if I hung out with John tonight, she wouldn't let me hang out with him at all tomorrow night...even though it's Friday night and he gets off work at 5.

How unfair is that? And it's like no matter how I tried to negotiate with her, the worse it got. Even after dinner, since we had to get my dad something to eat before we went home, I suggested that she let me go to Naia's for about 30 minutes, and then John could take me home. She even said no to that! And if I'd done that, I would've been home by 9. She had no reason to say no.

She told me tonight that I need to stay home, that I've never at home anymore. Well, after saying that, we came home and she went in her room and called my grandma - not paying me one bit of attention. And then she wonders why I'm not happy here. Hello? She's being a hypocrite. And it's killing me. I really wanted to see John again tonight. I mean, sure, we can talk on the web cam, but it's just not the same as being with him in person. And my mom's all concerned with me being home more often, yet she won't shut up about me getting a job. But now that I'm getting one, she doesn't like it. She won't let me go out and have a little bit of fun before I start working. And you know, it makes me wonder - if it were anybody else that I was wanting to spend time with, would she still act this way?

It's just so irritating. And another thing - gah, I'm just so in the mood to vent right now - another thing: she's been on my back about my grades all year long, but when I finally have a 100 in my math class - which has NEVER happened in all the time I've been in high school - she tells me 'good job' and 'keep it up', but she doesn't give me anything for it. I've been working really hard to bring my math grade up. Now it's the best it can get. The least she could do is let me spend a little time with my boyfriend...yeah, you know, the one person who actually gets me and who doesn't put me in a bad mood every time I talk to him (he has quite the opposite effect in that department, actually). I just wish she would loosen up, because it seems like every day now, I can be having the best day ever and then one conversation with her just screws it all up. She's my mom. It's not supposed to be like that.

I'll be glad when I'm done with high school. Screw the whole 'sentimental' graduation crap. I'm just ready to be done with it. At least in college, your schedule's more flexible...AND not to mention the fact that colleges don't have an "A/B" schedule like Easley does. I mean, there are certain days for certain classes, but it's not all screwed up like my high school. I just can't wait to get there. I can't wait to be more independent. I'm tired of my parents breathing down my neck about everything. At least when I get to college, I'll actually want to be there.

And I'm ready to be older. I'm tired of being 16 already. It feels like I'm the same age as everybody else, but then something comes along that makes me remember I'm not. I wish I was already 18 so John and I could just do our own thing. But I still have to wait another year and 9 months or so, which sucks. It's like my age has always been like some sort of handicap. I just hate it.

You know, sometimes I wish I could just get in the car and leave. I wanted to do that last summer. All summer long, in fact. Every time I got in the car, I had the urge to run away. But that was because life just sucked then. Now, it's not that. My life is pretty much perfect now. It's just whenever my mom acts like that, it makes me want to rebel. I just want to scream at her because she's not making any sense. But I love her anyway. She just drives me insane sometimes. But tonight, I wish I was going somewhere - even if it was just for the weekend. I wish I was going to Florida. Maybe to see my cousins. I'd be taking John with me though. If I really was to skip town for a few days, there's no way I'd be making the trip without him.

Wouldn't that be nice? To just escape for a little while? To feel like there's absolutely nothing in the world you have to worry about? Man, I wish.

I can just picture it now - me sitting in the sand down at Seaside Beach in Florida, where my cousin Kevin lives. I'd be watching John play with Kevin and little Kayden along the edge of the water. Shelley and I would be sitting there with baby Kiyah, talking and watching the boys play. And my cousin Shelby would be there with us. We'd all be having so much fun, just enjoying the beach and the warmth of the sun. And I think John would fit in pretty well with everyone down there. At least, in my head he does.

Oh, wow. Tomorrow's Friday. It's about time, ya know? I only went to school four days this week, but it feels like I've been for a month straight. I hate B-days. I'm starting to hate my whole schedule this year. On A-days, it feels like I haven't been to school at all. But on B-days, it feels like I've been there for 12 hours or so. It's like the boredom prison, I swear. So I'm just glad the week's almost over. And tomorrow night, I plan on having fun with John. I have no clue what we're going to do, but I know we'll make the best of it. Especially since we didn't get to see each other again tonight.

Anyway, he just signed onto AIM, so I'm going to talk to him for a bit.

Goodnight.