Lost and found.

It's so funny to look back on things. You make mistakes, and then after a while, you look back on them. You remember the way things felt, and you realize how dumb you were. You remember the best and the worst things you ever did. You remember the good and the bad, and you remember the way things changed. You remember everything, even when you think you've forgotten.

Yeah, over the summer, I started keeping a diary (if that what you want to call it) on the computer. It's sort of like a bunch of blogs I never posted. But I posted a lot of entries, and I came across them all earlier today. Everything I wrote was pretty much about my 'ex-boyfriend'. I wrote about everything – when he first started talking to me, when he asked me out, how he led me on for weeks and ended up having another girlfriend. But you know, we didn’t even really date. He shouldn’t even be considered my 'ex'. But I just got lost in this delusion that we were perfect for each other, so I didn't let him go when I should have. I wasted so much time on him, and it was extremely stupid of me. I just let him get the best of me, and I ended up being somewhat miserable all summer long. I’ll never make that mistake again.

I guess reading all that stuff just made me realize how perfect my life is now. Dating John again was probably the best thing I could’ve ever done. It changed everything. As soon as we started spending time together, way back in September, I started feeling happy again almost immediately. It's like I found the missing piece to a very complicated puzzle. Funny how one person can change your whole life, isn’t it?

Speaking of John, I’m glad I got to meet him on break today. It felt like I hadn’t done that in forever. I just wish we could’ve stayed longer. And I wish we could hang out later, but he’s going to the car show with his dad and I have no idea what my plans are. My mom’s gone to Wal-Mart, and I’m just stuck here by myself. Well, not completely – my dad’s asleep on the couch, but that doesn’t really count for anything.

It's just so quiet today.

I hope tomorrow turns out to be a good day. As far as I know, my parents have to work, but I'm out of school. My mom said she was going to make me do a bunch of chores tomorrow, but if I can get them all done, I'm seriously hoping John can come over. I just want to hang out with him tomorrow, since neither one of us has school. He doesn't have to work, either. And Tuesday will be about the same, I guess. I get out of school early, and so does John. Plus, he doesn't have to work and I don't have to go to my English class. So maybe he can come over for lunch or something. I hope so. I'll just have to bypass my parents.

My mom's so against him coming over while nobody's home, and she keeps threatening me, saying that my dad could stop by any time while he's out driving around for work. It's pretty easy for me to get past that though. I can just go to John's house and pick him up. And he can always hide if my dad comes by (as childish as that sounds). The only downside is, I'd have to take him home and be back at my house by 5, just in case my parents came home from work early. That's not too bad though. We'd still get to spend time together.

Hopefully things won't be so stressful this week. Last week, things were just plain crazy. But maybe this week will be better.

You know, I've been thinking about what John said. He's mentioned a few times how cool it would be if we lived in an apartment together - if we could live somewhere, 'just us'. It really would be awesome. We could watch movies and TV and eat macaroni whenever we wanted. I would love that. And the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of having somebody to fall asleep next to. It would just be so...comfortable. Granted, if John and I lived together, we would probably never fall asleep because we'd be talking and laughing so much. But at least the idea is fun to think about.

Anyway, I think I'm just going to listen to some music or something. I might even take a little nap. But I'll probably be posting again very soon.